Monday, 19th March, 2018

Congress protests Masood arrest; adds free cleaver-sharpening lessons to its manifesto

31, Mar 2014 By Sudhanshu Chopra

In a show of solidarity against the arrest of its candidate from Saharanpur, Imran Masood, Congress has decided to tweak its manifesto, by including the provision of free cleaver-sharpening lessons to the people if brought to power. With the Congress manifesto for 2014 released a few days back being criticised as old and monotonous, the party believes that a sharp edge as this was what was required.

Imran Masood

“Our manifesto was certainly lacking an edge. Imran’s words came as an eye-opener. Accordingly the party manifesto will go under the knife,” Congress spokesperson Abhishek Singhvi told the press.

Poll experts have hailed the move as a double-razor attack. The step has not only instilled a fear in the minds of goats in the opposition, but has also gone a long way in wooing the butcher community, which has a considerable presence in UP.

“It’d be a dream come true to see my children learning the art of cleaver-sharpening, and that too for free! How else could I have afforded this education?” said a local butcher in Saharanpur, who claims to have inherited the profession from his elders.

One of the locals showered fulsome praise on the Congress by quoting something similar to Abraham Lincoln that of the 10 hours a butcher spends in his shop, chopping meat, he should utilize at least 7 to sharpen his cleaver. The Congress was smart enough to identify this belief, he added, and he was now pretty clear who he’d be voting for.

Further, the Congress is mulling over a tie-up with Global brand Gillette which would help in the promotion of this new programme.

“We are planning to work with Gillette to make our intentions known to the public in a wider sense,” Singhvi added.

Meanwhile the BJP has only managed to come up with a blunt attack on this development, with Arun Jaitley avoiding questions on the same.