Friday, 23rd June, 2017

Congress leaders reveal their future career plans

04, Jun 2014 By amar63

Recently Faking News decided to visit some of the congress leaders and former union ministers to see what they are doing these days.

Here are some excerpts from the interviews we conducted.

We first met Mr.Rahul Gandhi at his mother’s house in New Delhi. As usual Mr.Gandhi was in a very contemplative mood. He said he has been thinking of ways to put his talents to good use to help the great nation of India. He said, he has been considering coaching/managing visiting cricket teams.

He said, he has an excellent track record of ensuring defeat of his team wherever he went. He cited the examples of Assembly elections in UP, Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh and Delhi and of course the epic Lok Sabha elections where he successfully led his party to historic defeat.

He said by coaching/managing visiting cricket teams, he will ensure their defeat. This he said will make India number one in cricket again at all levels including test cricket, one day internationals and the twenty twenty format.

He said his party Rajya Sabha MP, the legendary Sachin Tendulkar gave him this idea. He further said, he has been speaking to Mr.Srinivasan and Mr.Dhoni who are quite excited and think this is a brilliant idea.

We asked Mr.Gandhi if this means that he will retire from Politics. He replied in the negative and said in the interest of the nation, he will be back to lead the congress party to another record breaking defeat in 2019.

Then, we tracked down Mr.Tharoor at a Five Star Hotel in Delhi. He seemed relaxed and said he has been enjoying his free time. He said he is planning to start a coaching center for dating. He says he has extensive experience in this field and wants to help the people. He said every one including married people are welcome to join his coaching center as he has always believed that “Variety is the spice of life”. He admitted that his skills in management of personal conflicts are some what lacking and has cost people their lives in the past. Hence he has decided to take on board a relationship counselor as well.

He said he understands that while he was able to avoid jail term because of political connections, most of his clients may not have this privilege. Having a relationship counsellor at the coaching center to impart conflict management training to prospective dating hopefuls , he thinks, will go a long way in ensuring safety of dated women’s lives.He said , he plans to open a branch in Pakistan too as he has “really close and personal” contacts there.

Then we met Mr.Digvijay singh backstage at the Rajya Sabha TV studio. Talking about his future plans Mr.Digvijay Singh said, he was tired of sneaking around. He  has decided to marry his young TV anchor girlfriend, have a few more kids and settle down to a peaceful quiet family life.

He said he drew inspiration from his illustrious party colleague Mr.N D Tiwari who recently got married and settled down at the age of 89. He said, he believes age is only a number and it is the spirit that counts. We asked if he is going to have difficulties in raising a young family at his advanced age. He said that wouldn’t be a problem as he has many grown up grand children who will help with baby sitting.

Then we managed to track down Mr.Salman Kurshid at his residence in Delhi . He was in the middle of a meeting with several lawyers. He took a break to talk to us. He said he will continue to work hard to ensure justice for Ms.Khobraghade. As he had promised last year during the height of the Khobraghade crisis, he said, he wont return to parliament till Ms.Khobragade is totally exonerated. We think he has plenty of time to accomplish this ,as he just badly lost the MP election losing deposit as well .

Then we spoke to former rural development Minister Mr. Jairam Ramesh. He was in the bathroom when we visited his house but he talked to us on his cellphone. He reminded us of his statement last year while in power, when he had said famously that he was “spending 18 hours a day on the toilet problem”, trying to provide sanitation facilities for all people across India.

As he has more free time now, he said, he has been spending even more time now sitting on the toilet seat reading novels.

Last but not the least, we were most astonished to find Mr.Mani Shankar Iyer outside Delhi railway station selling hot tea in a road side tea stall. Talking to our reporters, he said, he has realized his mistake of how he cost his party millions of votes by his Chaiwallah comments.He said he is full of remorse now and wants to atone his sins by selling tea till the next elections in 2019. We were amazed by his humility, which until now has been a totally alien concept to him.He served us some special madrasi masala chai, which we enjoyed as we headed back to Fake News Office.