Wednesday, 23rd August, 2017

Buoyed by opinion polls, BJP to stake claim to form government, unveils cabinet ministers

25, Jan 2014 By thepelicanclub

New Delhi. In a startling development, BJP has decided to cash-in on latest opinion polls that predict NDA much ahead of UPA in forthcoming Lok Sabha elections. The part is planning to stake claim to form the next government in next few days, even before the elections are held.

Narendra Modi
Modi after winning the opinion polls.

A confident BJP spokesperson, speaking confidentially to Faking News said that elections are now a mere formality and BJP does not want to waste time and delay IPL due to elections that everyone has predicted to be BJP’s victory.

When Faking News brought up the point that all opinion polls even though give BJP the lead, but also predict that NDA will not be near the majority mark, BJP spokesperson was quick to counter saying in the era of WASP technology, we can safely assume that our final tally will be excess of 400 seats.

The party is in fact so confident of staking the claim to form the government in coming days that first round of cabinet births has also been finalized.  To no one’s surprise, the government will be headed by Shree Narendra Modi. The rest of the cabinet is as follows:

Smriti Irani : Home Minster

Mrs. Irani has extensive experience of igniting and extinguishing domestic fires since Kyu Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu thi. The experience makes her ideal candidate for Home Minister.

Sir Ravindra Jadeja : Finance Minister

With India facing dual challenge of fiscal deficit and falling economic growth, only a person with supernatural abilities can bring us back on path of financial super stardom. Sir Ravindra Jadeja – enough said.

Cast of Tehelka : Defence Minister

Given that India’s biggest security threat is from China and not Pakistan, the party was forced to look beyond Sunny Deol and chose Major Krishnan Rao (Mukesh Khanna) and his team – Dharmendra, Narseeruddin Shah and Aaditya Pancholi from Tehelka who have proven experience in bringing down regimes with Chinese sounding dictator.

In addition to first list of cabinet ministers, Faking News has also gained access to list of other important posts in the BJP regime.

Alok Nath : Chairman of National Advisory Committee

Impressed by Sonia Gandhi’s mother like benevolence on the nation through  NAC, BJP has decided to go one step further and provide a doting father figure as the next NAC chairman. As matters of Indian culture are closed to BJP’s heart, who better than Shree Alok Nath to infuse Sanskar in Sarkar. 

L.K. Advani : Next  President of India

Moved by Shree Advani’s contribution to BJP over so many decades, the party has decided to promote him from PM-in-the-waiting to President-in-the-waiting – a feat not dissimilar to previous presidential elections.

Navjot Siddhu : Speaker of the Lok Sabha

Mr. Siddhu’s experience of judging and sitting through comedy shows makes him ideal candidate for the post where real life discussions are sometimes more funny than any comic-sketch. The part also hopes that limited speaking time associated to the Speaker’s post will save the nation from his laughter.