Saturday, 21st April, 2018

BJP renames itself as Branded Jaahil Party, making inroads for 2019 with radically progressive measures

22, Dec 2017 By Sumana Khan

The recent uproar by the “very learned” MLAs on the Virushka’s choice of their wedding and honeymoon destination, has forced ruling party, BJP to undergo a nemesis. They have decided to do so by taking numerous new measures under the umbrella of its new name, Branded Jaahil Party.

The decision has been taken for implementation with immediate effect and is irrevocable, says the Party President. The Branded Jaahil Party President in his address has reluctantly, yet categorically also said that the Indian nationals can use their fry-PAN without linking them to the Aadhar Card. On the issue of Love-Jihad he said that a suo-moto decision would soon be passed on removing the religion declaration column from all official documents starting from birth until the death certificate.

He also said that the Branded Jaahil Party would soon look into inducting the Gau Rakshaks as Sarp-Mitras to save the endangered snake species of the country. It is also declared that the countrymen are now independent to have their own food preferences and there wouldn’t be any interference from anyone, what so ever. Furthermore, the Party President also entrusted the Central Universities of the country with autonomous status with new sets of VC to be appointed any time soon.

The Central Board of Secondary Education (CBSE), much before BJP could declare, has issued an official statement declaring that Sex Education would be made compulsory and all the syllabus of all the course book would be revisited by an external committee with branded “feminists” and otherwise trolled “anti-nationals” on board (males and females) to remove anything and everything that endorse gender/colour/caste/race-ism in any form of the content. All the babas, much before the BJP’s intervention, have decided to leave their baba-ism and dedicate their wealth to charity and social work. The corporate giants have also promised their 50% wealth to be donated to the social organisations working around the country for the well-being of the people and environment, in general.

The filmmakers have become so excited with the change in the mindset of the govt. that they have started demanding the removal of the Censor Board to scrutinize any form of art and not just movies. They have also put an appeal to allow Pakistani actors to settle in Mumbai. With respect to the demand, the newly formed Branded Jaahil Party has, on the sidelines promised that India will make history at the 2023 Oscars.

The recent development with respect to the change in the name and game of the party has created a wave of happy tweets and trolls by the otherwise trolled “Libtards”, who have now decided to hold a dharna to put an end to the usage of the word, by asking the newly formed Branded Jaahil Party to release a circulation in this regard. It is now expected that the next decision of the party must ensure that playing national anthem may please be discontinued in the cinema theatres and Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be indianised as Mata-Pita Diwas.

All the politicians have now promised to dedicate their weekends to read and understand as to how a nation is an imagined community, socially constructed by people who believe themselves to be part of that larger group. They are also now trying to fathom the fact that the nation’s wealth belongs to the collective and must be spent for the benefit of the collective. Every capable person must perform labour for the collective and in return the collective provides for all their needs. Furthermore, a bible for them is on the way of its preparation wherein it would be mentioned that none of the nation’s wealth could be expended for any bourgeoisie or even petty bourgeoisie interests but, rather on the larger goals of education and dissemination of information.

While the party president denounces -“Ignorance is strength. Freedom is slavery. War is peace”. Some of the party members including the PM still feels the change of the mind and game of the Branded Jaahil Party is a deep-rooted international conspiracy to not only overthrow the government of India but destroy the state itself.