New Delhi – AAP announced today that noted cricketer and slap victim S. Sreesanth has been hired as the personal coach for Arvind Kejriwal.
Although he has been getting slapped almost daily, Mr Kejriwal, being the perfectionist that he is, remained dissatisfied at the quality of the slaps, and to improve his slap worthiness, he has hired as his personal trainer, the poster-boy of slap victims, S. Sreesanth.
Faking News caught up with Mr Kejriwal at the Datoda dental clinic, where he goes frequently to re-align his teeth after every slap, and this is what he had to say : “The entire nation knows that Sreesanth is the best when it comes to getting slapped. With his help, I hope to improve my tally and reach my target of achieving a 1000 slaps in a calender year”. AAP supporter and noted journalist Karan Thappad was also present to launch Sreesanth’s book “101 easy ways to piss people off and get slapped”.
Sreesanth who was on the dais with other AAP leaders later told the media, “Mr Kejriwal has raw talent, but he needs to become more irritating and learn some more ridiculous antics if he wants to infuriate more people and provoke them into slapping him. I am sure that under my tutelage, Arvind bhai will reach his goal of 1000 slaps before the elections are over”.
Mr Sreesanth then proceeded to demonstrate his prowess by dancing vulgarly and sticking out his tongue at AAP leader Yogendra Yadav and getting slapped 5 times in succession.
Mr Yogendra Yadav also addressed the media and said, “A real leader is the one who gets slapped the most number of times. Mr Kejriwal has been slapped by people from every strata of the society; with Sreesanth’s guidance, Mr kejriwal will surely get the highest number of slaps, if not in India, at least in Punjab”. He pointed out that Mr Kejriwal had been slapped by more Muslims than Hindus, and that he had gratefully accepted his 786th slap on a Friday thus proving himself to be a true secular leader.
The BJP has has meanwhile leveled allegations of corruption against the AAP saying that Kejriwal was purchasing slaps with money. Party president Rajnath Singh released a video of a sting operation in which an AAP worker can be seen bribing a beggar (who had an uncanny resemblance to Digvijay Singh) and requesting him to slap Kejriwal at least once. The BJP also claimed that the AAP had hired Harbhajan Singh to show up in various disguises at AAP rallies and slap Kejriwal.
Faking News has learnt that Mr Kejriwal’s popularity has increased a lot among school boys after the latest slap. “He is my idol, he manages to get more slaps than I get in an entire year” said Kallu, a class VIth student of a government school in Varanasi since the last 3 years.The move has also caught the attention of Bollywood. The king of slap-stick comedies, David Dhawan, has reportedly offered Kejriwal and Sreesanth a chance in his upcoming movie “Hum Sl’aap ke hain kaun”.