Tuesday, 25th April, 2017

Alarmed by reducing police force, Govt decides to hire cow vigilantes

15, Apr 2017 By patrakar_popatlal

In a major decision, the Govt has decided to recruit cow vigilante groups for maintaining law and order in the country. This comes few days after a report tabled in Lok Sabha showing the insufficient numbers in the police force.

Direct recruitment for Police Force
Direct recruitment for Police Force

The vigilante groups would be inducted at a ceremony in New Delhi next month. They would be also receiving certificates under the Pradhan Mantri Kaushal Vikas Yojana. BJP called it a “surgical strike” on the unemployment situation in the country. Media reports called it as another masterstroke by Modiji while Twitter polls declared him as the next President of India. On realizing that he cannot occupy two positions simultaneously, it was later decided to declare him as PM for 2019.

CHODU (Cow Helpers & Owners Divine Union) too has come out in support of the landmark decision. The members were ecstatic as they do not have to worry about legal implications of their activities. “Ab hum kanoon ke dayre me reh ke gau mata aur desh ki sewa karenge“, said a smirking rakshak. However he left the scene when asked if they would arrest fellow members found guilty in earlier cases. Other vigilante groups have called upon to celebrate this occasion as Gau Rakshak Day. Some also demanded to declare it as a national holiday but later withdrew on the added implications of dry day.

Taking a cue out of this, Rahul Gandhi has urged the Govt to look into the matter of vacancies in judicial courts in the country. In a series of tweets yesterday, he asked the judges on reality shows to volunteer for this. “If Chetan can judge Nach Baliye, Siddhu ji can become a judge in High Court. WIll give judgement in shayari & finish cases like his MP tenure”.”Also I vote for Big Boss ji as the next CJI. He can work from home also(sic)” said Rahul baba. He deleted the tweets later, and claimed that his account had been hacked again.