Friday, 20th April, 2018

Akhilesh Yadav to banish areas with high crime rates from UP, to declare them part of Afghanistan

17, Jun 2014 By Vaibhav Anand

Lucknow: In a unique tactic to reduce crime statistics in Uttar Pradesh, the state’s Chief Minister, Akhilesh Yadav, has announced that any and all districts with incidents of a newsworthy crime would be declared part of Afghanistan.

This, he announced, was to ensure that news channels stopped focusing only on crimes in Uttar Pradesh. The statement came after Naresh Agrawal, a senior Samajwadi Party MP, had claimed that even animals had the ability to resist “being dragged away”.

Akhilesh Yadav
“We are sitting in Afghanistan”

“We are proposing that whenever a news channel reports a new crime and an adequate hue and cry is raised about it, we will announce that the village or district or piece of land in question is not a part of Uttar Pradesh anymore,” Mr. Yadav said to a bunch of news reporters, after the customary round of checking with them if they had been raped or shot at, on the way over.

“We have already had a discussion with the government of Afghanistan and they are ready and willing to accept any such tracts of land we want to hand over. That way, they will be able to demonstrate a reduction in crime statistics at their end, because only one or two rapes happen in Uttar Pradesh in a day.”

“This will also go a long way in improving Afghanistan – India relations,” he said. “Better Afghanistan – India relations means lesser terrorism from Taliban and Al Qaeda. One or two rapes is nothing compared to that, don’t you think?”