Tuesday, 12th December, 2017

After the beef ban, cows now to receive aadhaar cards and passports

18, Mar 2015 By johnrj

New Delhi: After banning beef in various places in the country, government officials have gone a step ahead and have planned to distribute Aadhar cards and passports to cows across the country.

“Based on our statistics the approximate ratio for cows vs. humans are 1:4” said an aAdhaar card incharge “We need to consider them now as valuable citizens who contribute to the society. We are also expecting their growth to skyrocket soon, now that beef is banned. So it’s better to track them well”

Indian Cow, waiting for passport and Aadhar Card
Indian Cow, waiting for passport and Aadhar Card

Officials who had made the decision have mentioned that cows have been passively requesting recognition for a long time by sitting on Dharnas in the middle of the roads. “We have misinterpreted their random presence in the middle of the roads”, said an official from the decision making committee, “They are doing a non violent dharna to assert their presence into the country. We should learn from them a thing or two about dharnas”.

Aadhar card officials have rejoiced at the fact that they can give the aadhar cards to at least some living beings since the supreme court has released a statement that it is not mandatory (for humans) to have one. Passport officers however, have lamented on the amount of paperwork required for providing passports to cows and the need to have more air refreshers in the flights.

Due to the sudden plan over making it illegal, authorities have been assessing on the kind of security they need to provide to the new Aadhaar card holders. Since many politicians have refused security, some have suggested that the Z class security refused by them could be provided to selective fat cows to protect them from harm.

“5 to 10 years in jail for eating beef is not enough” said an angry activist “We give only 3 years jail time for sexual harassment against women and still there is nothing stopping the men so what’s the guarantee that people will still not eat beef even after this? We need more stringent punishments to save cows from getting harassed.”

Some authorities have also mentioned that since there will be more cows roaming around the streets, their increased amount of dung would require more toilets to be built. However after discussion it was decided that since humans are already peeing enough liters of waste in public cows won’t actually make much difference but in fact, they can compete with equal rights in that area too.

“Soon we will be able to provide voters card also to the cows. We are sure there will be more cow turnout than humans for the next elections” said a visibly happy official.

After the historical turnaround in cattle history in secular India, cow herders all over the country have rejoiced at the developments. However, they remain with fingers crossed over further rights cows might get in coming months.