Tuesday, 24th April, 2018

After having VAT 69 Kejriwal brawls with Modi

24, Jan 2014 By R K Singh

Faking news reporter Naarad equipped with the latest spy camera had been following Kejriwal like a shadow since he ended his dharna after having those delicious paranthas sent by LG Najeeb Jung. Naarad reports:

“I am aam aadmi, chhota aadmi”

Last night around 2 am, when media persons and Delhi police personnel were dozing off, Kejriwal and his key associates, Manish Sisodia and Law Minister Somnath Bharati got out of a posh restrobar in Khan Market. For the record, they paid in cash. They were there to celebrate their latest victory of sending two cops of Delhi police on leave.

Kejriwal fully drunk and flashing a half empty VAT 69 whisky bottle, stopped at Gujarat Bhavan around 2.30 am where Modi is believed to be staying. Kejriwal was unable to stand properly. Almost equally drunk and staggering Sisodia and Bharati were trying to help their leader, though with not much success. The new recruit Ashutosh, a teetotaler just turned in on the scene from nowhere and helped Kejriwal to remain standing.

“Modiji, bahar nikaliye,” Kejriwal shouted while holding the iron-gate with one hand and whisky bottle with another, “I want to say something.”

Modi was reading the BJP’s vision document – ‘India 2020’ drafted by an American investment banker. He tried to ignore Kejriwal as it was so late in the night. Besides it was also very cold outside.

Des ka neta kaisa ho, Kejriwal jaisa ho, Sisodiya and Bharati shouted. Ashutosh followed it by even louder shout – ‘des ka neta kaisa ho, Kejriwal jaisa ho’. Amit Shah, who was snoring in the next room after a long day, got up. He came out in the balcony of his room.

“What do you want? Modiji is not free. And he doesn’t talk to drunkards,” said Amit Shah.

“I’ll not leave without meeting Modiji. I have important matters to discuss with him,” said Kejriwal with his voice breaking in between.

Amit Shah went in. “Sahib, Kejriwal has come. Insist on meeting you. Says won’t leave unless you meet him. Bada ziddi hai sahib! What to do?”

“Okay let him come in.”

After five minutes, the cook Thakur Bhai opened the door.  Amit Shah almost immediately appeared behind him.

“Please come. But sahib will talk to only Mr. Arvind Kejriwal, alone. Nobody inside, please!”

Kejriwal entered. He dashed into the first sofa chair he could get. Modiji entered while adjusting his specs.

“Modiji,” Kejriwal started, “you think, you would be the PM of India in May 2014. But mein aapko bata dunn ki…I’m more popular than you. See, I’m getting far more media coverage than you are. What do you have to say on this?”

“Mitra, if you stop then only I will say something?”

“Okay Modiji! You speak and I would listen. Binny says that I’m a short-tempered person who doesn’t listen. I say I’m not. Please check me, now.”

“Dekhiye! Khejriwalji! I can prove I’m a better PM candidate than you. Advaniji, my all time guru says a good politician is one who does not fail to take advantage of the mistakes committed by his opponent.”

“What do you mean, I’m not a good politician? Didn’t I exploit Sheilaji’s mistakes to win Delhi elections, even though Sandeep is a friend?”

“You did. Who can deny this? But I did it long back in 2008. You’ve not done anything new.”

“What do you mean, Modiji?” Kejriwal asked while taking a long sip from the VAT 69 bottle he was holding.”

Chhi…Chhi …Madira nahin peete Kejriwaliji?

“Aab Kya kahen, Modiji…this Shinde…haan wahi HM….ne to naak mein dam kar rakha hai. Pehle jab Power Minister tha tab bijali gul kiya…now when he’s HM, see how crime against women only going up in Delhi. And he calls me yeda. I’m the CM of Delhi – yeda or otherwise. Do I have any moral responsibility or not. Anyways, leave it….you continue.”

“See, Khejriwalji… you’re working very hard for getting all the media attention even though you need to do a lot for fighting 400 seats. Don’t tell I don’t know – you had a janata darbar without much arrangement so that it could fail and people talk about you. Your ministers are raiding drug racketeers and women of easy virtue to grab attention from media and voters.”

“What do you mean…I’m working very hard? Everybody works hard to get attention of media or aam adami…don’t you?”

“No, I don’t.”

Toh Modiji…toh kya hua…I’m new in the politics business yet media is running after me for breaking news or sound bites. If you let me, an aam adami to boast a little, I can say I’m the newest darling of media…okay I’ve worked for it…so be it. What difference does it make?”

“Khejriwalji…you’re drunk. You won’t understand my strategy.”

“Come on Modiji…I’m drunk but I’m not inebriated.”

“See, you’re getting media attention by doing stupid things yourself. You forget you’re CM, not a page 3 person – not an aam adami anymore whether you like it or not. Just because, you use a muffler and not a khadi jacket, you won’t become a politically savvy person.”

“What do mean Modiji?”

“Let me try to explain. I pray to Lord Ram and wish that Congressmen do some stupid things once or twice a week…and they never let me down. I just exploit their deeds or misdeeds. If you allow me to boast a little I can say I’m quite good at it. I spend my time for meditation or in thinking about how to manage 272 after the general election. Getting media attention is important to me but it’s not my priority. My priority is to get PM chair and the number 272 is very important for that. Got it?”

“No Modiji. Let me clear my mind.”

Jut them, Thakur bhai brought lassi and boiled eggs. Kejriwal gulped one boiled egg at one and took one last sip of the whisky to empty the bottle.

“Khejriwalji, please have this lassi. You will like it especially made for you. If you come to my Gujarat, I’ll serve you the finest Khakhra, Dhokla and Oondhia from Patel restaurant, the best in whole Gandhinagar.”

But Modiji I didn’t get your point…”

“Arre bhai! Amit tum explain karo.”

“See, Arvindji, what sahib means is that we can get the Congress (by praying to Lord Ram) to do or say something very stupid…and then we just use them to our benefit afterwards. Media runs after us for quotes.”


“See in 2008 election, they called Modiji as ‘maut ka saudagar’ and we easily won the election, the second time. Now Aiyyar says Modiji is a chaiwala who cannot become PM of India. The result is: Modi is getting lots of media attention without doing anything. Plus ask any chaiwala…who he’ll vote in the upcoming general election in Aril/May? You got the answer.”

“I could now see that.”

“I tell you what? That arrogant Aiyyar will eat his words. Please wait till the election results come.”

“Modiji is going to address a rally of tea stall owners and tea drinkers next month in Delhi.”

Modi smiled at the articulation of Amit Shah in English. Amit Shah encouraged by Sahib’s smile continued.

“Well to tell you the truth, we would have used one of our Banjara types (we have several of them) to handle your Khirkigate of drug and sex. Why to soil our own hands. Doesn’t suit a minister.”

Modiji smiled again. “Arvindji, you’re good boy…just someone I would like to have as a son…but yaar you’re politically naive. Why don’t you join BJP? I can promise you the post of my deputy no. 1. I can also give HRD to your circuit Sisodia…but no…no law ministry to this Bharati thing. We have several contenders for the job…Jaitley and two Jethmalanis and may be one more, Ravi Shankar.”

Bahut ho gaya Modiji! I tell you what both BJP and Congress are like brother and sister. I don’t want any of you. If I can become the PM after CM, why do I accept the post of deputy and stand along with this Taklu Shah. We’ll go it alone. I will rather make my taklu Mannu, the Deputy PM when I become PM of India.”

“Arre yaar, tum to naraz ho gaye!”

“Let me go now. Waise to LG sahib ke paranthe bhi achhe the! However, this lassi is too good. Just like in made in Hissar. Ek dam maa ki yaad aa gayi! WellI’m staying alone in my new sarkari flat at Tilak Lane, now just a 3 BHK. Delhi people don’t like my staying in a 3+3 BHK flat. They are okay with Sheilaji’s bungalow but, I’m an aam adami’s CM. Par aarman to mere bhi hain! My parents are still staying in Ghaziabad. You just can’t rent your flat these days. Koi capture na kar le…but be ready for fight in the general election. Bharat mata ki jai.

And Kejriwal finally collapsed.