Sunday, 21st January, 2018

After Congress’ march to protect democracy, ISIS plans a march to protect women’s rights

10, May 2016 By Pagla Ghoda

ISIS headquarters, Syria: After congress party’s march to protect democracy, notorious oil rich terrorist organization ISIS has also come forward and declared that they would now be marching to protect women’s rights. It is not yet clear however if thousands of sex slaves in ISIS custody will also participate in this women’s rights march.

Caliphate’s official spokesman Aiman Aloo-Bukhari talked to Al Zazeera and other international news channels during a press conference, “When Congress party in India is audacious enough to march for democracy and Internet explorer is audacious enough to keep asking us to make it default browser, why can we not do a march for women rights? Each and every fighter from IS will take part in this March.” Bukhari slammed his fist on the table with sudden fit of passion.

ISIS marching for women rights
ISIS marching for women’s rights

When he was asked if ISIS was really serious about women’s rights, Aloo-Bukhari heartily laughed continuously for about 120 seconds. After somehow controlling himself, he said, “You media guys, you really got to be kidding me. What does it take to do a march? A few people, a few banners, a few reporters. That’s it. I mean do I really need to believe in the cause? Give me a break please. There is a thing called PR.”

In the middle of the press conference Bukhari received a call from his commander asking what should they do with 50 sex slaves who were refusing to take part in the march. Bukhari immediately clarified that taking part in this march is a voluntary activity but they would need to “make sure” there is some participation in the march from women slaves, in case IS fighters participating in the women’s right march expressed materialistic desires during march.

Bukhari then ended the press conference with exact locations of the march and semantics of the path to be taken. “We will be starting the march by looting and pillaging 3 villages in the north quarter and then pillage around 17 villages en route. We will leave good amount of women’s rights pamphlets and banners in each village and district we destroy. We are, after all, perfectionists.”