Thursday, 22nd March, 2018

AAP used dice to generate manifesto figures: Report

30, Dec 2013 By bhasadeswar

In a press conference, Mr. Sushil Kumar Sindhe made a shocking revelation that he ordered a clandestine inquiry to find out the basis of promises which were made by Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) in its manifesto. He said that his sole purpose was to find out the truth.

As the inquiry has already been completed, Mr. Sindhe shared its findings. The detailed report made a shocking revelation. As per the report, Mr. Yogendra Yadav – chief strategist of AAP – believes in Ramal-Vidhya (an occult method of prediction using  dices) and he draws his inspiration from a character of Chandrakanta, an erstwhile TV serial, named Pandit Jagannath who was the master of Ramal-Vidhya, astro-numerology and diplomacy. It is said that it was because of his precise predictions, his king – Shivdutt – was unequivocal. Shivdutt always used to say – “Shivdutt ko shak nahi yakeen hai!”  This kind of certainty has also been seen in Arvind Kejriwal’s claims.

The 5798 page report could not be distributed to media as to print the required number of copies about 300 trees had to be cut down and Mr. Sindhe could not get clearance from the environment ministry. Mr. Sindhe also ruled out the option of uploading the report to the home ministry website as AAP has a patent on this method of dissemination of information.

When our reporter approached Mr. Yadav for his comments, he said, “Yes, this is right. We used dice to generate manifesto figures and I request you not to sensationalize this without knowing the science behind it.” It was for the first time Mr. Yadav could not control his emotions and lost his calmness. He added, “AAP will call a press conference to explain the method of Ramal-Vidhya and what makes it precise.”

Later on through a press release, AAP justified its action. The release says,

“Ramal is an age-old vidhya which has been used for decision-making from the very beginning of Indian civilization. However, some school of thoughts did not recognize it as it used dice and as per them it was just a game. Today, as we see, game theory is being used for devising strategy, there should not be such reservations. Moreover, if we cannot respect dice, a lot of things become irrelevant. What is probability without dice! Dice, which has six faces, is called “Chhakka” in hindi, so, disrespect to dice is in one way disrespect to transgender community.

Here, AAP would like to clarify that all dices are not the same and to perform Ramal one need to have “honest” dices. By honest we mean unbiased. In the present world, getting honest dices is next to impossible. However, one should not forget that AAP has an in-house mechanism to filter out honesty. All our dices are honest and if anyone can find any bias-case against anyone of them, we are open to reconsider the figures generated by the dice and decimate the dice as well.

Note: These figures are our tribute to Mr. John Nash and all the beauty minds.”

To get academic opinion on this, our reporter approached an eminent professor of IIPeM who teaches game theory. He said, “IIPeM does not support John Nash’s explanation of game theory. As per the Reverend Barindam Choudhari, Nash’s personality lacked the basic flamboyance required to propound any theory. We, in IIPeM, have our own version of game theory propounded by the Reverend himself. This is the world’s best theory ever!”

At first, he denied to share the theory with us as it was against the norms of the organization. He said, “If you want to know the theory, you have to enroll to our course called – Strategic Positioning on the Stage of Global Arena.” Unfortunately, our report’s insistence did not go in vain and he stated, “Do not throw all your dices on one board.”

He also said that AAP’s understanding of game theory was flawed and if Mr. Yadav wished to hone his strategy devising skills, IIPeM could offer 10 % discount to him; however, there would not be any relaxation of qualifying criteria.

Anna Hazare has endorsed AAP’s method and said, “Arvind’s party has not done anything wrong. Our history is replete with such instances. If Pandavas could decide to give away their wife based on dice figures why he [Arvind]  cannot give away water and electricity.” He also added, “I told him [Arvind] in the beginning itself that politics is dirty. Sooner or later the Shakunis will corrupt his dice.”

BJP leaders are facing a “prisoner’s dilemma” on this issue. On promise of anonymity, one leader said, “Though we cannot afford to let AAP claim the legacy of Indian heritage and eat up our vote bank, we cannot hit them directly and call their method bogus. This will give wrong message to our hindu supporters. We are waiting for some guidance from RSS.”

Montek Singh said, “It is dicey. They have completely ignored the economics.” When our reporter asked him about planning commission figures, he said, “Planning commission is a different paradigm. We do not get emotional with numbers. If we cannot achieve what we have projected in one plan, we carry forward it. However, Kejriwal’s hastiness is dangerous.”