Monday, 23rd October, 2017

AAP launches AAP-certification program

19, Feb 2014 By Paranoid Android

Today in a historic prime time press conference AAP’s leader Honest Muflerwal announced a groundbreaking new program called AAP-certification program on lines of CCNA and MCSE certifications.

Honest Muflerwal after press conference
Honest Muflerwal after press conference

“For the first time in India there will be a quality certification program for people. Just like we have ISI mark to validate reliable products, there will be an AAP mark which will prove the honesty of people. Ab desh ki junta duur se hi pehchaan payegi ki khaas aadmi kaun hai aur aam aadmi kaun hai“, said Mr. Muflerwal.

Muflerwal informed the press that this AAP mark can only be put on a white AAP topi, a mufler or any visible body part (unlike the Rahul Gandhi mark).

AAP certification program will require people to undergo a few special courses:

1. Accusing People (AP-420) – Accuse any person without an AAP mark of corruption by simply holding random A4 sheets in hand and then repeatedly waving them in front of people atleast 3 times. It gives people the illusion that the corruption proofs are beyond any doubt.

2. Answering Questions (AQ-101) – How to answer questions by making personal attacks on the person asking the question or by calling them paid trolls.

3. Organize Dharnas (OD-201) – How to organize a random dharna at any place, at any time for any reason.

AAP spokesperson Nirashutosh claimed that AAP mark will be the highest level of honesty certificate even bigger than SIT or BCCI clean chit.

He further went on to elaborate the major benefits of getting AAP certification:

1. Ability to call any other person corrupt or being paid by Mukesh Ambani. 2. Ability to conduct a raid anywhere, anytime. 3. Immunity against breaking constitutional rules. 4. Allow people to have a referendum anytime.

Sources tell Faking News that people are queuing up to get AAP certification. Prominent people vying for AAP certification are Gurunath Meiyappan, Suresh Kalmadi, Sheila Dixit and Robert Vadra. N Srinivasan doesn’t require one as he has his own clean chit. Mukesh Ambani is not allowed to get AAP certification as the certification will self-destruct if he gets it.

Mr Muflerwal ended the press conference by singing a latest Sukumar Avishwas poem:

Koi lawless kehta hai koi media hungry samajhta hai, Magar AAP ki bechaini ko bas AK samajhta hai, Main centre mein power se duur kaisa hu,wo mujhse duur kaisi hai, Ye AK ka dil samajhta hai ya Yogendra ka dil samajhta hai,

Ye AAP ek U-turns aur nautankis ki lambi si kahaani hai, Kabhi congress deewani thi kabhi media diwaani hai, Yahaan sab log kehte hain main anarchist hoon, Jo tu samjhe to lawless hoon jo na samjhe to messiah hoon.