Shaken and stirred by AAP’s stunning show at the hustings and an equally stunning display of political acumen by Arvind Kejriwal, the BJP central leadership recently organized a strategy conclave ‘AAP ka BAAP’ in Delhi to put together its ‘Nav Varsh Sankalp’ (New Year Resolutions) for 2014. The conclave was attended by, among others, Arun Jaitley, Sushma Swaraj, Rajnath Singh, Dr Harsh Vardhan and (surprise! surprise!!) Vijay Jolly Ji. NaMo’s larger than life image on a projector screen was conspicuous by absence.
Here are the eight major resolutions (‘asht sankalp’) that were adopted with sarvsammati:
1. The party will consider renaming itself to BAAP i.e. Bhartiya Aam Aadmi Party. This will specially appeal to BJP’s north and central Indian supporters who are given to bragging “Tu jaanta nahin mera BAAP kaun hai…”
2. In order to cash in on people’s penchant’s for clean politics, the party will consider changing its symbol from ‘Kamal’ (Lotus) to ‘Pochha’ (Wipe) e.g. “Bahut ho gayi jhadoo, ab chalao pochha”, etc.
3. During campaigning, the party cadres will shout slogans for the local leaders/candidates instead of Narendra Modi. For instance, in case of Dr Harshvardhan, suggested slogans are: “Bimaar dilli ko kya chahiye? — Doctor Saab, doctor Saab !! ”, “Bhrashtachar ka karo hisaab — Doctor saab, doctor saab”, etc.
4. In all states, promise 701 litres of free drinking water and 51% reduction in electricity bills. How are we going to achieve it? Simple! AAP would have already achieved 700 litres and 50% reduction. Achieving just one more litre and 1% reduction will be a cakewalk. Also, per Hindu tradition, the numbers 701 and 51 are more auspicious than 700 and 50.
5. In order to display some semblance of democracy within the party, do more ‘Internal Surveys’ within the party cadres and among the electors. In order to differentiate from AAP, call these ‘Aantarik Sarvekshans’ even if it means the same thing.
6. BJP leaders should travel via Metro or other means of public transport at least once a week minus the entourage. Don’t worry about stampede. Remember, you are not Narendra Modi!
7. Dr Harshvardhan (and his nephew) will stop tweeting with immediate effect. Other BJP leaders on twitter will be kept under watch and notified in case.
8. As a sure sign of BJP’s newfound people-connect, Vijay Jolly will provide free painting service for people’s homes. This time he will use colors of people’s choice and not only black. As a bonus, he will shine the name plate in front of the house. This service will initially be available in Delhi.
The conclave ended with a vote of thanks to the people of Delhi for not giving enough seats to AAP to form a majority government and with a hope that this ‘success’ of BJP is repeated even at the Center in 2014.