In a bold move today, Arvind Kejriwal formed a shadow cabinet at the centre that would fight the upcoming national elections as a team, on a plank agitating against any economic growth whatsoever.
“Everyone knows that inflation is nothing but growth in prices. When we put together a chart comparing increase in corruption and black money to increase in economic growth, there was a direct correlation. Obviously growth is the real culprit,” said Kejriwal in a hard-hitting statement.
“We need to lead a charge against this growth monster and defeat it”.
Kejriwal announced the members of his shadow cabinet, all of whom have impeccable anti-growth credentials.
Yogendra Yadav was named shadow finance minister. He immediately promised that telecoms, airports, airlines, and IT companies would be nationalized once the AAP formed the government. He also promised to build on the Delhi government’s booting out of foreign supermarkets, and boot out foreign participation in the Indian economy altogether.
Prashant Bhushan was named shadow foreign minister. “We will hold a referendum in Pakistan on which territories should be ceded by India to them. It is important to get our neighbours to also participate in our democracy”, he said.
Medha Patkar was named shadow environment minister. “We will use NREGA resources to break all the dams on all the rivers in India”, she said in her first press conference after graciously accepting her new role.
Captain Gopinath, the new shadow aviation minister, said that his ministry is already well on its way to implementing the anti-growth agenda. “Air India is the shining beacon of anti-growth. We tried copying their methods when I ran Air Deccan, and I successfully managed to sink not only Air Deccan but also its buyer Kingfisher airlines,” he proudly explained.
“Obviously, the entire airline industry is out of reach of aam aadmis everywhere. First we need to bleed it, then we can kill it. No one has a better track record at doing this than me.”
While announcing this crack team, Kejriwal could not control his emotion. “All problems for common man are caused by growth. We must put an end to it, damm it!” he said.
At this, he paused, turned to a visibly angered Medha Patkar and said, “Sorry ma’am, I should not have said dam it!”