Thursday, 17th August, 2017

Aadhaar tattoo a must for all Indians, says government

22, Jun 2017 By MrIndia

The central government has notified that all Indians shall have their aadhaar number tattoo painted all over their body.

The latest notification explains why they government has decided it is best for everyone to have this tattoo. Apparently, many workers in Sivakasi factory don’t have proper fingerprints. Workers in chemical factories and construction industry have plain unreadable flat fingers. Many handicapped people don’t even have fingers. Blind people don’t have working iris. Therefore, the government feels pity and decided that “everyone must have the aadhaar number permanently pinned on their foreheads, arms, chest, legs, Shy Shen (as in movie rush hour 3) and rear sides”.

Prescribed format of such Tattoo
Prescribed format of such Tattoo

This notice comes on the heels of another order by the government that all TB patients who are quarantined in specialty hospitals shall run to the nearest enrolment centre and spread the disease get aadhaar. The health minister is upset that many TB patients are admitting themselves to several govt hospitals simultaneously for benefits. He also said “soon full body aadhaar verification will be required in all emergency cases before getting into an ambulance. Ambulances will be equipped with two body strip search inspectors, scanners and internet. Doctors and Nurses must assist these inspectors.”

The National Tattoo Association praised this move. Its President Mr.Needle Singh said “this will create employment in tattoo industry”.

The AIADMK MLAs in TamilNadu were unhappy at this order. Chief Minister Palanisamy said “we have Sasikala Natarajan tattoo etched on our butt cheeks! Hence how can we have another?”

Medical Council of India issued a statement “any infection from this programme can be contained through antibiotics like neomycin.” Its Chairman Gopal said “we will increase the stock of the medicine as soon as I buy more stock of that company”.

The Tax minister Arun Jaitley said “GST on this will be only 5%, if paid 4 years in advance”.

PM Narendra Modi declared that America supports him in all such quixotic adventures. He felt “cards could be lost, numbers forgotten, but permanent etching is visible from satellite to track the useful idiots throughout their life”.