Monday, 23rd October, 2017

A VVIP demands new status for him: VVVIP

10, Aug 2015 By RT

New Delhi. A self-proclaimed VVIP has demanded that a new status to be bestowed upon him by the government of India: VVVIP. The VVIP called for a press meet to declare his demand amidst loud cheers from his supporters.

The VVIP was a not known person (P), outside of his local police station, till 15 years ago. After one of his regular visits to the government facility, bored out of his life in petty crime, he decided to join a political party. That’s when he became a person having acquired a membership card with his name in it- not that he recognized anything written on the card above his thumb impression.

His first car when he was just a peon.
His first car when he was just a counselor.

When he arranged a few more like-minded persons for the next political meet of the party, he became an important person (IP). After a few years of serving the party, supplying alcohol and chicken Biryani to the volunteers for all political gatherings, finally he got a chance to become a counselor and thus by attaining his first official status of VIP.

A few years went by. The quality of ink he uses for his thumb impression grew alongside his political stature. The man finally became a member of parliament and declared himself as VVIP. When the government refused to provide Z-category security, he decided to demand for a VVVIP status. Faking News reporter narrates the story from the press meet.

FN: Sir, you are not in cabinet or in any of the boards. How can you demand a VVVIP status?

VVIP: See! I got a status of VIP when I first became a counselor. The title grew to become VVIP when I became member of this big building. Now, every other small-time lobbyist is known as VVIP and the term has lost the value. Me, being in Delhi for the past 4 years have to have this VVVIP status. Listen, the number of salutes one receives in Delhi directly matches the number of Vs in the prefix.

FN: If you are a VVVIP, then what about cabinet ministers and the prime minister?

VVIP: It is none of my business. Anyway, since you are asking– A cabinet minister can be called Quarto VIP and PM can be called Quinto VIP. Know what I mean? The VVIP silently thanked his assistant who mumbled the words to him.

FN: It’s all Latin to me. All the best Mr.VVIP or should I say future VVVIP, as is the common trend to address political leaders with future titles and not with the current ones.

VVIP: Boy, you got a future!

With that, Faking News reporter walked away from the press meet, furiously looking at his mobile phone to find if any other country in the planet has an official status larger than that of a VVVIP. Unfortunately, all the search results showed a disappointing ‘No matches found’.