Wednesday, 22nd November, 2017

What if Barkha Dutt was present during Mahabharat war?

03, Sep 2013 By jaffa

A world renowned scientist, Allbut Iamstain, left an incomplete and unused (for reasons known to him) time machine in his underground laboratory at an undisclosed location. The ever sensation-hungry Indian media got the whiff of this news and tried to unearth it before the archaeologists could. Finally the NDTV crew succeeded and Barkha Dutt entered the machine with her laptop. In her over eagerness, she pressed a button marked ‘DON’T PRESS’ and landed in Kurukshetra during the times of Mahabharat.

As she looked around, she found funnily clad men with weird weapons sitting on horses and elephants. Few men were on bizarrely built chariots and most men were idling around. She thought it was some movie set and looked around for the director and the actor to get details of the project. In the middle of the battleground, she saw two men in some serious discussion with all the side actors impatiently waiting for them to begin the proceedings.

Without any further doubts, she approached the director who was heard telling the actor “kutas tvA kasmalam idam visame samupasthitam¬¬¬___”. “Hello, would you care to tell me what is happening?” she interrupted him. As the director begun to tell her, she broke him off saying “I don’t understand your strange language. Say it in English, please!” The director said “Hmm. Am afraid the Actor won’t get it and I am more concerned about him at the moment.” “Alright, please clarify what is happening at least?” she asked. “I am coaching him on wisdom, the path to devotion, the essence of selfless action and some greatest secrets of the universe” he said gently. “Holy cow! Is that all part of a movie?” she asked. Since the director happens to be pretty wise guy, he calmly said “Yes, now if you don’t mind, let me complete my discourse” and granted invisible Apple voice translator-cum-recorder (courtesy Google) to her ears to make things easier.

After listening to few verses, Barkha jumped and screamed “This doesn’t look like a movie at all! Is this a real war? If so, why?” The director said “This is a long documentary style of movie. You should have come few minutes earlier because the actor had same question. Now don’t interrupt.” Sensing that actor was getting engrossed now and staying true to her journalistic propensities, Barkha interrupted “It looks like the actor is genuinely uninterested in being part of the war scene. This is harassment and exploitation of the poor guy!” The director smiled and continued.

After few more verses, Barkha interrupted “Oh, wait! fame and beauty are feminine qualities? Isn’t that a sexist remark? You should be booked.” The director ignored her and continued his speech.

As the director begun to explain the greatest secret, Barkha remarked “Really? Are you God? What’s your name?” director replied “Alas, what’s in a name? I am the one and only.” Barkha responded “If not the name itself, everything is in the surname. Alright, if you are God then show me a miracle.” The Director said “Am tired of miracles. I have been performing since I was born.” She opened her laptop and quickly searched “Oh really? Our databases do not show anything of that sort. Neither does Google. Not even the Bing!”

Tired of this shit and with the actor beginning to lose interest in the script, he asked “You want miracle?” “Yes” Barkha stood ground. “Alright! ___________, now you’ll get back to where you came from without time machine because I don’t want anyone coming back here again. Last time when that scientist came here, I kept him and let the time machine travel back and that proved to be a bad decision.” With that Barkha is back on NDTV minus her memory.