Monday, 19th February, 2018

Media satellites crash on May 16th

13, May 2014 By sambitdash

An unprecedented high sky phenomenon has rendered satellites of all Indian media houses ineffective in the wee hours of May 16.

The umpteen number of news channels, irrespective of their business-house and political affiliations, went dark right about when the editors-in-chief with their posse of experts were about to begin the days deliberations at about 6:00 a.m. That the day would have gone down in the history of mankind as the greatest result day, the day that would be a harbinger of ‘ache din’ or ‘bure din’ or ‘none-of-the-above din’, this blackout has caused massive outrage, nervous breakdowns and uncertainties.

Arnab’s reaction

As an intern manning the newsroom of a high TRP news channel (she actually said they call it the war-room) informed, no amount of phone calls to technical team, blasting the interns, praying, could get the channels live. No one could figure the reason for such an outage but the engineers of certain channels were overheard talking that the long drawn elections, and the more than a month long heated jibes have caused a burn out. As usual, they could not figure out the technical basis for such a phenomenon.

The politicians who were ready to battle the important day on TV were flustered. All the preparations to claim victory, concede defeat though with enough spin to put Shane Warne to shame, and discuss them thread bare, resulted in nothingness. The chief shouting officers, aka anchors, continued with their job though, albeit the shouting was directed at their subordinates. The TV anchors stationed at all counting centers were able to have breakfast, which they otherwise miss. Some office goers who availed leave to watch the live coverage were cursing themselves for wasting a holiday.

The chief source of news thus was social media. Vote update was flooded on Twitter and Facebook. But the lack of charged debate was sorely missed. However housewives were happy that the menfolk didn’t remain glued to TV from morning till late in the night. Newspapers were never so much anticipated in recent times. Even the TRP for Suryavansham being shown for the record 2000th time shot up. The thousands of policemen deployed under deplorable conditions breathed easy for the lack of news prevented flared up passions.

The win lost its grandeur, the winner the grandiosity. The loser lost their dejection. It was a result day like no other. The country’s average adrenaline level fell, great anchors pulled hairs in their studios, politicians lost an opportunity to be vitriolic, and more importantly advertisers lost their money. An inquiry commission is being set up by the new government to inquire about the presence or absence of foreign hand into the affair. The commission is set to present report in 15 days. Watch this space for the report.