Friday, 23rd March, 2018

Faking News turns out real; readers devastated

18, Dec 2013 By iamhindustani20

New Delhi: Owing to recent developments in the Online Press Media, the Presswala Authority of India decided to do a covert investigation into the operations of Faking News to ascertain whether the content being presented on their website is actually fake or not.

The council met on April 1 when they received letters and emails from the public saying that the news being presented in FakingNews was actually real and the readers were being fooled in the name of faking news, albeit almost all of the incidents were real. The Council thereby came to the conclusion that the matter was of utmost national importance and could not be delayed further for any other real news. The famous detective Jasoos Vijay was instantly called upon to unmask the truth and submit a Real report to the council.

Vijay was initially perplexed with this shocking revelation, as he was an avid follower of FakingNews and all his General Knowledge came from the content on this site, which he always trusted to be fake. These were his exact words – “In this world of reality, FakingNews and Rohit Shetty’s movies were my only hope for a better, brighter future. I am in tears today when I hear such allegations on a community which aims to enlighten every individual into Being Faking Awesome.”

As the investigation progressed, Jasoos Vijay met every person who had sent a complaint against Faking News.  The first one was Munna Patangi from Kanpur who was heard saying, “Bhaiya dekho humko koi aapsi dusmani thode na hai.. lekin ab hamaari ishtory ko chhape aur photo bhi nahi lagaye. Hamara dost Mithilesh Yadav humko bataya ki bhaiya ek mast Faking News aaya hai jisme ek budbak patang pakadne ke chakkar me poora sheher bhag bhag ke Kanpur se Dilli pahunch jaata hai. To bhaiya hum kaha ki wo budbak to hum hi rahe.. wapas aate time Rewa express se aaye rahe. Ye dekhiye ticketwa bhi hai hamare paas.

Jasoos Vijay could not believe his eyes when he saw the ticket. His whole life flashed in front of his eyes as he had no choice but to agree that this was in fact a real incident. But he still could not come to believe that the very foundation of his existence was laid on raw, unmoving truth. He had always cherished to be such a Feku.

Next he met a college student, Katrina Kaur who had claimed in her email that the news about a girl having 54 boyfriends was a replica of her real life. Katrina said, “How the fake could they call me a fake!!! I has attached the names of 54 all boyfriends in email. The right now one is Surinder Singh Pahwa.. I call him Su as pet. You can check relationship status of my on FB if you want beleaf. ” As Vijay opened up his FB account and searched for this girl on FB, he was praying that atleast one of the things claimed by this girl was wrong. But God and Mark Zuckerberg always showed the truth to each of their followers and so it was proven beyond doubt that Katrina Kaur actually had 54 boyfriends and FakingNews was guilty of publishing the truth.

The final nail in the coffin came when Vijay met an IT professional in Pune by the name of Kunal Gandawala. This guy claimed that his whole life had been covered in multiple faking news reports.  K.G.B. (as his friends call him) established that he was a born loser and pervert, and had tried all flavours of AXE to get a girlfriend but of no use. Vijay used his natural detective abilities and some highly experimental methods to verify that the stench from K.G.B’s pants was 97% dried-up shit, same as written in one of the FakingNews reports. K.G.B. further maintained that he knew nothing about C# or Java and this was the factor which single-handedly got him a job in the  IT industry. He said, “The IT companies are looking for something different in their employees these days and they found it in me. The fact that I could not write even a single line of code just made me stand out of the crowd. My manager recommended me for the prestigious ‘TechBunty of the Year’ award which is like the ‘Man of the Match’ that we get in Lawn Tennis.” KGB also showed his 5 promotion letters and 7 overseas travel tickets in 3 years to Vijay as a proof of his claim to similar Faking News reports. KGB went on to threaten Jasoos Vijay to take off all spies/reporters who had been following him since childhood or be ready for legal consequences. Jasoos Vijay was shocked to find all of KGB’s allegations true to the word. Once again Faking News had let him down.

Our sources confirm that Jasoos Vijay has finally finished up his report after coming back from his fifth honeymoon, which is rumored to be a cover up for this investigation. Readers frantically wait as the future of Faking News hangs in the midst of pseudo chaos and in the hands of phony decision-makers. We can only hope that in a world where everyone is happy faking it up, FakingNews is anything but the source of truth.