Monday, 23rd October, 2017

Aspiring liberal columnists run out of Modi comparisons

09, Feb 2013 By parthya

NEW DELHI: “My career is in jeopardy!” said aghast Rakesh Srivatsava, 24, an aspiring columnist and strategic expert who wishes to break into the Liberal/Secular journalism industry.

“As a fresher, I must be able to write articles reasoning why Narendra Modi is not fit to be PM of India. For that, easier way is to liken him to negative characters of history. But he is already been compared to Hitler and Mao, the two villains of history I know,” he rued. When Faking News prompted name of Stalin, he replied, “I am not into Tamil Nadu politics much.”

Modi
Modi shocked to know he had so many personalities not known to him

Another aspiring liberal was equally demoralized. St. Stephen’s College’s Tanya Sharma, 23, said, “Other day I had an Eureka moment. Why not compare Mr. Modi to Indira Gandhi I thought. Like her, he is an authoritarian. QED. Now that it is proved that Modi is new Indira Gandhi, I can easily extend my argument that he will go on to impose emergency. Also, I will tactically distance myself from the Congress Party proving my neutrality. I even imagined me being compared with my hero Arundhati Roy after this.”

Destiny had a shock in store for Tanya though. Next day, to her dismay, an article comparing Modi to Indira Gandhi was already written by eminent historian Ramchandra Guha in The Hindu.  She added that she still cannot fathom how ‘Ram’,’ The Hindu’ and ‘liberal thoughts’ could co-exist within a platform.

All was not over for Ketan Kumar, 30, till the iconic journalist Sagarika Ghose wrote yet another article that compared Modi with Indira Gandhi. “I imagined her and Mr. Guha discussing the Modi-Indira comparison over dinner and then running towards their computer to write this fantastic liberal polemic,” guessed Ketan, wondering why Ghose got her article posted later than Guha.

However, not all fresh liberals are so pessimistic. One such exception is 29-year-old Nirankar Patel, who pointed that all the liberals that Faking News had met belonged to the Upper Castes, hence, they are used to being spoon-sped everything.

“So what if Hitler, Mao, or Indira Gandhi are already taken? You see, by history, most columnists mean only 20th Century. I have already drafted several articles comparing Modi with many historical characters to the earlier era,” Patel claimed.

“For example, Narendra Modi has a beard. So had Aurangzeb,” he pointed out. When asked whether he has sent such an article to any paper, Patel backtracked.

It is learned that he was suggested by a friend, a Certified Secular from Wagle Institute, not to do so as a negative article about Aurangzeb, could damage his secular credentials.

He has so far found 17 “secular” alternatives to Aurangzeb. Faking News accessed some of the names when Patel went for his weekly baths. The list includes Ivan The Terrible, Attila the Hun, Gabbar Singh (all have beards in common with Modi), Maximilien Robespierre (who was called Incorruptible but then reigned terror), Idi Amin (Idi-Modi rhyme) and The Joker (who, according to Patel “smiles bit like Modi.”)

Patel believes that atleast 8-9 of his 17 articles will be published in different newspapers/websites and that these articles will bust the myth of “Modi Model” and all wrong numbers hyped by Modi’s PR machine.

When pointed that few of the comparisons made are not in fact real people, Mr.Patel retorted, “Few distortions for a noble cause are fine.”