Friday, 20th April, 2018

Arnab loses voice, emergency national holiday declared

03, Oct 2014 By mpsharmaauthor

An Emergency National Holiday has been declared today by the Indian Government after news hit that popular Anchor for Times Now’s Newshour, Arnab Goswami has lost his voice and been ordered to give his vocal cords complete bed rest by his private doctor.

Recognised for his booming ability to deafen an entire nation of people (and in some cases those across international borders as well), the government is beside itself on this surprise occasion, unaware of how to proceed with daily political happenings.


However, the Parliament is not the only unfortunate victim of Arnab’s ailment, many normal citizens are anxious to get the news anchor back in the hot seat as soon as possible.

“I have been inhumanely busy today”, Dr Chopra, the ENT Specialist at Bombay Hospital told Faking News Journalists. “Arnab is my go to guy for any patient who comes here complaining of hearing loss. I just send them home and tell them to watch the Newshour as homework in order to shock their ear drums into action”.

Meanwhile, housewives across India are in depression today as many have given up on Yoga to exercise their voice boxes by cranking up the volume when Arnab’s show comes on to compete with him in a yelling match as part of their daily exercise routine.

“It is very sad”, Mrs. Patel said. “I will have to fight with my husband-ji when he comes home from work instead today to get my daily workout. I have already forewarned him about this and he has told me to get his bed ready to sleep in the hall tonight”.

In a shock turn of incidents, the neighbourhood dogs seem to also know that something is wrong, and have been seen practicing their howling to keep their owners entertained during the usual Newshour broadcasting hours.

School debating teams have been placed on high alert as well, due to their inability to learn the appropriate skills of arguing their point successfully by the first prize going to the person with the loudest voice.

Meanwhile, politicians everywhere are rejoicing in excitement around the country celebrating this once in a lifetime reprieve.

Faking News has reduced its staff due to reportable newsworthy stories being halved at the loss of Arnab Goswami’s normal daily routine today.