Mumbai. The Frustrated Employees Cooperation Enhancement Society (FAECES), which has constituted Piss-Off-Your-Employer Award to recognize exemplary contribution of employees in the field of pissing of their ex/current employers, announced Arnab Goswami as winner of this edition of the award. However, Arnab has refused to accept the recognition.
Arnab explained in a media interaction that though he never ever ever need any affiliation from any society or organization, however, he acknowledged FAECES time and again and could very much associate himself with it. He clarified that his act of declining the honour was a call of his conscience as he could not accept something for which an anti-nationalist such as Aamir Khan was also considered.
This is not the lone sacrifice Arnab has made in his pursuit of nationalism. Earlier, he has distanced himself from many loved ones. Few of the noteworthy incidents are:
Arnab declared his father anti-national: He remembers the incident quite vividly. How couldn’t he? After all it was his first salary and all he kept for himself was a hundred rupees bill, so he could treat his father.
“Arnob insisted to go to an indigenous place so we went to Bum-Bum-Bhole Bhojanalay for dinner. The ambience was quite divine and Arnob could smell India in every atom of the air”, said his father. “Magar honi ko kaon taal sakta hai.. I do not know what happened to me and I order Pindi Chhole…Arnob was visibly vexed and he started shouting and questioning my intention. How could you…he asked me 33 times…which was exactly equal to the price of the dish. I thought that it’s beyond his budget and that’s why he is not happy. He is quite childish in his reactions. But somehow during the monologue; I figured out that he was doubting my patriotism as I ordered something which sounded akin to Rawalpindi. Thankfully, it was a vegetarian dhaba else if I ordered Afghani chicken; he might have handed me over to Indian Army.”
Arnab named and shamed his wife for watching pakistani TV soap- Kankad: He personally believes that Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi should be rerun on DD national as it would inject the required dose of SANSKAR in the young and ambitious women of India.
Arnab forfeited his son’s pocket money as he caught him watching – Main Shahid Afridi Banana Chahta Hu on YouTube: He asked his son that to observe his father and he would be everything he wanted to be. He thanked the nation for instilling a rigorous parenting culture where parents are duty bound to check the computer browsing history on a regular basis.
Amidst all this, FAECES clarified that they are very much nationalist and if required can participate in any of the Gau-Rakshak gathering. They also clarified on their nomination process which, according to them, is strictly on merit basis and they do have a stringent process to filter out exemplary achievers.
Eminent nominees for the award were:
Prashant Kishor: For his achievements in pissing of Mr. PM and Amit Shah by allying with Nitish Kumar for Bihar assembly election.
Arnab Goswami: For pissing of not only his ex-colleagues such as Ravish Kumar, Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt but the entire NDTV channel by ridiculing their style of unbiased towards India journalism.
Sachin Bansal & Binny Bansal (Flipkart): For obvious reasons. Pissing of Amazon and forcing Jeff Bezos to finally pay a visit to India to strategise how to take down the startup of his ex-employees. This was an outstanding achievement, however, FAECES revoked the nomination after Flipkart’s layoff announcements. They realized that these young entrepreneurs in which they were looking for a role model suddenly turned into foes. They also amended their constitution to include an article called – BROS before NOMINOS!
Yogendra Yadav: Yes, Mr. Kejriwal this time you are right! It’s because of you.
Aamir Khan: Aamir’s achievement could only be compared with that of Yogendra Yadav. As he managed to piss of his current employer – the cultural ministry of India. His attempts to paint the incredible India as intolerant pissed of his employer to such as extent that he was showed the door.