Saturday, 21st October, 2017

Women request Raksha Bandhan on all days in a year to escape stalkers

11, Aug 2014 By manithan

New Delhi: All India Women Freedom Federation (AIWFF) has requested the Indian government to declare Raksha Bandhan festival for the whole year, to escape from stalkers.

After submitting the petition, AIWFF leader Shruti Deshmukh, spoke to us. She said, “Nobody from the female sex is free from stalking in India. We are being followed in roads, malls, theaters, markets, college, workplace and say-any-place by men. Men are waiting for patch of our skin being exposed and they all come like hungry wolves. We are really sick and tired of being stalked by men even in virtual world. A girl photo in Facebook or Twitter gets thousands of followers, even if she does not even post any tweet or do any status update. Even the recent amendments in the Criminal Law did not stop this stalking.”

Controlling her tears, she continued, “But, one day every year, we give back to those devils. That day is Raksha Bandhan. When we spot a stalker on that day, we chase them, even when they hide in their rooms, we get them out and tie rakhi in their hands. This is our weapon. Once we tie a rakhi and his friends see it, he is made a laughing stock. And he dares again to even see us. Imagine, if this could happen on all the days. Then, we could tie rakhis to all the stalkers and make them our brothers. So, we had requested the Indian government to do such necessary changes and declare all days of the year as Raksha Bandhan day. It will bring the achche din for women in India.”

Almost all of the boys across India were nowhere to be seen in the roads. Pappu Yadav, a village playboy from UP, was found hiding in a lorry and only when it started to smell beyond his own body smell, he came to know that he is going to be thrown into the nearby garbage dump. He escaped with minor injuries. Several other incidents happened across India, resulting in minor to major injuries for approximately 150 young men.

A girl tying Rakhi in the hand of her brother. (Inset) Rakhi Sawant

Ramcharan, a sweet shop owner from Delhi said, “It is the exact opposite of Holi. During Holi, it will be full of boys in the road. But today, there are almost no boys outside. Most of them have even switched off their mobile phones, fearing the Rakhi tying apps and Raksha bandhan images in Whatsapp being sent by their crushes.” He further added that most of the boys used to sit outside his shop for daily darshan, but with a probable announcement of Raksha Bandhan round the year, he felt that his sweet shop will face lot of loss. “Is this the acche din that Modiji promised?” he smirked.

Pankaj, an IT employee from Pune, had a sigh of relief as Raksha Bandhan came Sunday this year. With a chuckle, he said, “I was scared that the two new hot girls from my project will brozone me this year. I was doing their work stretching my schedule during the tough times in our project, only to win their hearts, not to be their brother. And as August came nearer, the thought of being Brozoned by them really scared me. But, thankfully, Raksha Bandhan came in Sunday.” Upon hearing our news of probable Raksha Bandhan all days of the year, he broke sweats, “I need to stress my manager to send me to USA or UK. Hightime, we guys leave India.”

To prove that evolution still exists, many men have found out techniques to avoid being a brother on this day of year. Surendar, leader of Escape Rakhi Movement, detailed the steps that men should take to help them escape from this massacre of heart.

He said, “Men should avoid going outside on this day. If they had to go, its better to have a arm bandage thick enough so that the rakhi becomes short and cannot be tied. Or else, they can keep their purse hidden somewhere and say they lost it, which can deter probable rakhi tying. When a girl comes to tie a rakhi, keep on sneezing or wipe your sweat with your forehand. When you sense a girl coming near with rakhi in hand, immediately start picking your nose or scratching your own beard. This will surely turn them away. We have a video on how men can defend themselves when rakhi-laden girls approach them. You can watch online videos to help yourselves defend. With the recent news of Raksha Bandhan for all days of the year, it is high time, men stop stalking women and start stalking men. Men cannot tie them raksha bandhan, and there is no clause in Criminal Law that punishes men for stalking, abusing or even harassing other men.”

Mithun,a MBA graduated, tweeted, “Raksha Bandhan is a profitable business for girls, where they tie a 50 Rs Rakhi and get 500 Rs gift in return. No to #RakshaBandhan”.

Initially, the Internet Hindus who were furious over people insulting Raksha Bandhan, suddenly turned their tide in Twitter later in the day, when they heard of Christian Missionaries and Madrassas trying to convert girls by forcing their men to let Hindu girls tie rakhi to them. @VishnuHDL furiously tweeted, “#RakshaBandhan hijacked by conversion industry. They say, sisters who tie rakhi become one of the christian or muslim family and hence xian/muslim. Wake up Hindus!”