New Delhi: In a cruel and gruesome incident in the capital last evening, Mrs. Dolly Chaddha, a 29 year old not working but always ‘networking’ housewife in Rajouri Garden has divorced her husband Balbir after he watched twenty minutes of the popular Netflix drama ‘House Of Cards’ without her. The incident has sent a chill down the spines of husbands all over the world most of whom ‘liked’ the Relationship goals posted by their wives on Facebook that included a point which read ‘Curling up in bed together and binge watching Netflix’.
Faking News sent its team for further investigations.
Mumbled a distraught Dolly, “Two years ago Balbir cheated on me with the maid but I forgave him after he apologized by buying me a Louis Vuitton bag. Six months ago he cheated on me with my best friend but I forgave him once again when he apologized with a Chanel bag. But what he has done this time has completely shattered me!! Now even if he apologizes with a Prada and Gucci bag, I won’t forgive him!! I didn’t watch a single episode of ‘Suits’ or ‘Orange Is The New Black” when he was away on a business trip last month but he just couldn’t wait when I was just twenty minutes late from my manicure appointment. And it is not my fault that God has given me an extra thumb like Hrithik Roshan and consequently the manicurist took extra time to attend to it!! See my hand!!”
Saying that, Dolly thrust her fat palm in the face of our reporter. He nearly choked to death from the smell of onion and garlic that was coming from it.
Dolly then started crying hysterically. “It is Balbir’s good fortune that while he is so much Frank Underwood in ‘House Of Cards’, I am not one bit like Claire Underwood. I am just a simple girl who didn’t want ‘Netflix infidelity’ from her husband.”
Seeing her condition, our Faking News reporter got up and tried to leave discreetly but suddenly he felt a hand of his shoulder. It was Dolly, tears still rolling out of her eyes. “Can you take a picture of me crying? I want to put it on Facebook to tell the world how I have been cheated and exploited in this marriage” she asked him. Our reporter obliged.
Faking News caught up with Tanuj Khosla, its in-house expert on such issues. “What Balbir did is unpardonable,” said Tanuj while pouring chocolate syrup syrup in his rajma-chawal. “Binge watching shows together is now the 8th vachan given by couples when they are getting married these days. As a result, most marriages that I have been to recently have had eight pheras instead of the usual seven. Consequently the pandits are charging more for the extra phera and the bride and groom are looking fitter due to the extra cardio that they have to do. Balbir’s actions not only question the sanctity of marriage but are also a threat to pandit’s bakshish and the waistlines of newly wed brides and grooms. In my opinion watching shows without the spouse should be right up there with other marital crimes like dowry harassment etc. and should be severely punished. It is only then this menace in society can be curtailed.”