Friday, 23rd February, 2018

Why nobody honked

21, Feb 2014 By krishnaa

It was one of the rare incidents in India, and when the reports started appearing in newspapers nobody believed.

I mean ‘how could this happen?’ was worried look on everybody’s face. The news that ‘nobody honked for half an hour near Shantinagar’ got national coverage and all Indians were stunned.

“This can not happen”, said Subbu while talking to fakingnews. Subbu is a computer engineer in Bangalore who rides on bike frequently.

“I mean how could we allow this to happen? All the joy of riding bike on footpath, honking, blocking roads on RHS will go away, isn’t it?” he said with worried look.

“Sorry, blocking roads on RHS? What does that mean?” the reporter asked. “ is like this,” Subbu started explaining with excitement, “We all bikers have a secret weapon. Whenever there is red signal or whenever there is slight delay, we all bikers tunnel in the traffic and occupy the road on right hand side. This way, koi maai ka laal cannot avoid traffic jam. It is unique skills we have developed over years. The result is endless honking and we also join the honking spree. It is fun.”

The effect of news was visible. Diggy Raja claimed he has proof that RSS was behind it. “India is a free nation and everybody has right to honk. Those who are raising voice agaist it are creating noise pollution. They should be prosecuted and put in jail. Those, who have courage to go on roads and drive, are brave. And India needs more brave people,” Diggy raised his fist to show how brave he is.

Manish Tiwary confided with faking news reporter. He said, ‘The basic idea of running government is in danger if this trend of not honking continues. We want to make sure that nobody reaches on time anywhere, and it is chaos. It is a successful diversion technique we have been using to make sure nobody notices chaos in governemnt functioning’.

The parliament debated about why there was no honking for half an hour for 3 consecutive days. ‘This debate is an answer to those anti-national people, who claim that we waste time in parliament discussing non issues’, Diggy Raja said after debate, ‘and we have concluded that the traffic police recruitment process is responsible for this. We had given clear instructions to recruit as traffic police, whose only qualification is, he can wash his a** twice a day. Thats it. The new commissioner has ignored those instrcutions and we have this problem. This will be rectified soon and situation will restore to normalcy as soon as possible.’

Sources confirmed that government is planning to ask Sibbal Saab to get automatic honking devices developed.