Tuesday, 27th June, 2017

Why India's PM couldn't be targeted by NSA

02, Nov 2013 By oths

NSA’s recent snooping of important leaders of the world, including Germany’s Angela Merkel, has not been taken well. On interviewing an NSA official, he replied, “This has been on for many years. If it wasn’t for Nowsden, we could have easily continued for many more years”.

Manmohan Singh
Thenga to NSA.

We asked him which countries were targeted. His answer, “We targeted all the top nations of the world – Germany, China, Iran, France, Brazil, Netherlands, India …”.

We stopped him right there to inform him that the Dutch PM’s phone was not eavesdropped. He replied, “Well we thought about installing our ‘system’ there, but then our initial investigations revealed that the Dutch are tall and loud – practically a replacement for loud speakers. We did not waste our time any further in that country”.

We asked our genuine and important question about India being targeted. He said, “India was the toughest. We really struggled a lot on whom to involve in our spy system, and how to hack Indian PM’s cell phone. With certain locals help, lead by Mr. R Vadera, we set up the whole system but we could not get the phone in our radar.”

“After huge data mining on all data available about India and Indian PM, our computers concluded the possible reason could be that he does not speak much.”

“However after a few days, we still could not get any phone signals near him. With lot of research, we found he does not have a cell phone! I really think it is a very wise decision not to have a cellphone by the Indian PM. “

Well, we know our Indian PM. He being an economist, he decided not to pay the phone bill for sending silence across.

Interestingly, we met a Post Doctoral fellow from Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore, who works on Skype like technologies. We asked why should our PM pay for not speaking since it is not fair. He said that there is a technology called “Voice Activity Detection (VAD)” through which only the speech signals are sent, and in future (already in Skype) cell phones, you only pay for what you speak.

He continued, however, thanking our Indian PM wholeheartedly saying that without the Indian PM, none of his VAD research papers could have been published. He said, “We need real voice samples to test our VAD algorithms. The more the accurate detection of silence and speech, higher the chances our paper gets through in top tier conferences.

With our great PM’s dialog samples, we could design an algorithm to detect silence 100% accurately! We won the best breakthrough award and we will be speaking in TED conference next year”.