Monday, 11th December, 2017

Violence over formation of three more states, "Selfiestan", "State of Thrones" and "AAP ka State"

02, Jun 2014 By Gaurav Mehrotra

There cannot be a single day that passes by where people do not wish to divide this country! This is our gift to those who fought for our freedom, and fought for one nation!

Selfie
A supporter of Selfiestan.

With the latest addition of Telangana, a horde of people have arrived on the streets of India with banners in hand (not to be confused with Banner, Bruce), shouting at the top of their lungs (side-effects of watching Arnab Goswami at Times Now) and sitting on dharnas (taking cue from, well, You-Know-Who).

Their demand, simple, they want another state. However, for the first time in Indian history, it’s not on the basis of caste, color, creed or even geographic location, it’s on the basis of their addictions which have reached fever peak. The name of the states you may ask? “Selfistan”, “State of Thrones” and “AAP Ka State”. Since the condition has reached to almost daily violence, let’s look at the various demands and characteristics of the various people involved in this self-proclaimed battle for statehood:

Conditions/ Parameters

Selfistan

State of Thrones

AAP ka State

Proposed CM None. Everyone wants to be the CM here. Tyrion Lannister. No one comes even close. Kejru Bhai. I mean, come on.
Age Group Originally meant to be for 13-19 teen girls, this has expanded to 13-49, both for men and women. Meant to be for 17-27. Boys and girls usually under 17 watch it by hiding in bathroom from their parents. Married couple also find sanctuary there, but, of course separately. Early 20s- Early 60s (updated version). Others may be allowed after showing their mentally (un)stable proof through an act.
Entrance Test/ Joining Condition Men: Submit 51 selfies, each with a different suit and at least 5 with different girls hanging on their armsWomen: Submit 101 selfies, with at least 90 of them having hands on their waists like a teapot. Men: Kill at least 11 people and have an affair with at least 21 women.Women: Affair with 11 men. However they can follow in Cersei’s footsteps to get direct admission. Organize 11 dharnas in your vicinity for no apparent reason with a crowd of 10 and above.Win at least 5 Haasya Feku Sammelan.
Income Level Just a phone with a camera. No other discrimination. Ability to take money from others by any means necessary. LOL!
Official Dress Code Anything hip man. Because “It’s party time, All the time” here. Oh, and don’t forget those 3.5 kilograms of makeup. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Dress…. Hahahahahahaahahahaha! White cap and few pouches of tomato ketchup, which can be applied on face and then complain that they were beaten up by BJP workers people.
Slogan “Pari hoon main!” for both genders. “Where the hell is winter? We are coming.” “Bhaarat humari maata hai,Aur fekna sirf humko aata hai!”
Opinion on Narendra Modi “OMG! Look at that bi**h/ stud! Who’s Narendra Modi?” “Rest assured that wherever he is, his head will be on my spike within the next year.” “Modi ki koi wave nahi hai. EC bik gaya. Results galat nikle. Agli baar hum kam se kam 400 seats jeetenge. But first, government in Delhi (with support of Congress)”