Tuesday, 19th September, 2017

UPA to ban Chai through ordinance

04, Nov 2013 By nandakumar

Apparently the Congress High Command has been rattled by the findings of a secret opinion poll cum survey cum census conducted on its behalf. The highlights are listed below:

Is Modi behind surge in chai popularity?
Is Modi behind surge in chai popularity?

1)Out of 132 million people lifted out of poverty by the UPA, 100 million are chai consumers and 32 million are chai vendors.

2)The flagship MNREGA, Food Security bill, etc. have no takers because more and more people are attracted to chai consumption and flourishing chai business.

3)80% of the electorate are chai consumers and they consume more than two chais daily.

4)The consumption of chai is more than that of gold. Recently many have migrated from gold to chai business.

5)In the South, a traditional coffee stronghold, Chai consumption has increased from 25% to 45%.

6)Amongst first time voters, facebook, twitter enthusiasts an alarming 85% are chai consumers.

Perturbed by these findings and the sudden spurt in chai related activities, the Congress Core committee has zeroed in on the fact Narendra Modi is the root cause of all this. Ever since he proclaimed himself to be Chai vendor, there has been a upsurge in Chai consumption .

Acting on the advice of the Core committee, the cabinet today decided to pass an ordinance to ban chai all over the country with immediate effect. Any one consuming chai or remotely connected with chai business will be jailed for 5 years. They will also be deprived of aadhar card and the attendant benefits linked to aadhar.

As expected this has led to an exchange of words and angry reactions.

Chidamabaram claimed that banning of chai and exporting chai will help to contain CAD.

The Health Ministry has issued an advisory cautioning citizens that consumption of chai is injurious to health and leads to malnutrition in the long run. The Ministry cited Gujarat where malnutrition is the highest because the Chef Minister himself is a chai vendor and endorses chai.

NitishKumar contested Modi’s claim about Alexandar. He said that Alexandar could not advance further into India because he was allerigic to chai and hence retreated.

Dig Vijay tweeted that tea is communal and coffee is secular. This was immediately endorsed by Karuna, Siddaramaiah and other coffee loyalists.

RaGa who proclaimed that “Power is Poison” ( though many claim that he said Pawar is poison!!) , barged into a coffee outlet and said that Chai is Poison and drinking Chai is complete nonsense. He promised to tear off tea leaves and throw them away. He promised to bring a right to coffee bill soon to help the poor, the Dalits and the secularists.

The All India Chai Federation has condemned this move of Congress and said that millions of chai vendors will be rendererd jobless and as a result MNREGA and Food Security will collapse.

The Chai consumers Association has called for a nationwide Coffee Bandh and appealed to all patriotic and secular chai lovers to boycott coffee outlets.

The Railway Chai vendors union has passed a resolution that Narendra Modi should handle the Railway portfolio when he becomes the PM, because this is a subject close to his and their hearts.