Saturday, 17th March, 2018

UPA calls for America Bandh to demand extradition of David Headley

26, Jan 2013 By Sandeep Kadian

Congress led UPA will hold an America-wide protest on January 31st against the American government’s decision of not extraditing David Headley to India. David Headley was sentenced to 35 yrs in prison by a US court earlier this week for helping plot the 2008 Mumbai terror attacks.

Announcing the alliance’s decision in New Delhi, Home Minister, Mr. Sushil Kumar Shinde said, “UPA today decided to hold a America-wide strike on the 31st of this month. America needs to realize that every Indian is upset with their refusal to extradite Headley. We won’t miss out on such a great chance to gain political mileage and will get Headley to India at any cost. Being in the government, we haven’t called for any bandh in a long time so this bandh will be a good practice for 2014 when we are expected to be in the opposition.”

When asked what steps UPA will take to hold a bandh in a foreign country, USA, Mr. Shinde said, “We have ordered all call centers to be closed on the 31st.  Let Americans figure out how to switch on their computers on their own. We will also be boycotting all the products & services from American companies on that particular day.”

As Mr. Shinde left to refill his glass with Coca-Cola, External Affairs Minister Mr. Salman Khurshid started speaking, “We have requested all the NRIs settled in America to help us make this bandh successful. They are requested to execute the formalities associated with every bandh, like effigy burning and blocking roads. A crack protest team consisting of the best Azad Maidan protesters will be sent to guide them as we don’t want the amateurs to lead the protests.”

When asked whether it will adversely affect India-USA relations if UPA calls for an America bandh, Mr. Khurshid replied, “Unlike India, America gives a right to protest to everyone so we don’t think they will get too upset about it. Even if they do, we will approve a few more Walmarts later this year to win them over again.”

Mr. Digvijay Singh, also present at the press conference added, “We have also requested NDA to join us for this bandh as getting Sir David Headley to India is a matter of national prestige and all parties must work together on this. We are ready to forget our minor differences for the greater good. Narendra Modi enjoys great support among the NRIs in USA and if he asks them, the bandh will be more successful and have greater impact. We haven’t got a confirmation from NDA yet but we hope to get their support by promising to fire Mr. Shinde (Still out for Coca-Cola) for his comments on RSS & BJP.”

When asked whether government is also requesting support from freelancers like Baba Ramdev, Mr. Khurshid said “We had requested him but he wants the government to call for a bandh in Switzerland before USA and that is not possible as we have accounts in Swiss banks we have good relations with the Swiss government.

When this reporter asked Mr. Shinde (Who had returned by then) what action will the government take when Headley gets extradited to India, he asked us, “When a dog starts chasing a car, do you ask the dog what he will do once he catches up with the car?”