Monday, 24th April, 2017

Unborn babies must stand upright in mother's womb for National Anthem

22, Jan 2017 By Ajinkya Ranade

Yesterday, the Supreme Court ruled that all babies who are in their mother’s womb must lie in an upright position whenever the National Anthem is played. The court ruling came after similar rulings that it made in an effort to make patriotism mandatory in Indian citizens.

Our correspondent got in touch with the Chief Justice Mr. Jay Chouhan, who is soon going to change his name to Jay Hind. He said, “With times, patriotism and Indian values are disappearing from the minds of the people. They are committing crimes which are against the fabric of Indian culture, such as thinking, and asking questions. This needs to be eradicated, and hence this ruling will work at the grassroots. We have decided to shift our focus on infants and babies which haven’t been born, as they do not have the ability to question us.” According to him, this would ensure that the new generation of Indians will be born patriotic.

This ruling came after threats from Shiv Sena that any babies not found standing during the national anthem will be sent for adoption to Pakistan. “We don’t need such anti-national infants in India. In ancient times, all babies after being born would touch everyone’s feet first. Now, they just cry. This is not acceptable” said a member.

While BJP lauded the Supreme Court ruling, the Indian National Congress was against it.

“The court wants babies to stand. You know what has a stand? A cycle. What do cycles have? A tyre. Where does the tyre move? On a road. What is on a road? Mud. Which flower blossoms in mud? A LOTUS. This is all just propaganda by the BJP. We will not sit quietly.” said  Digvijay Singh.

“…..” said Manmohan Singh.

“I don’t understand it. But since the BJP likes it, I will oppose it” said Rahul Gandhi.

We tried talking to Mr. Nanha Munna, the head of INBA – the Indian Newborn Babies Association. But he was too busy sucking on his toe to give us any feedback.

The Supreme Court also said that it is looking to modify this rule according to needs. It soon plans to bring in dogs, cats and fishes in the ruling. If an animal is found eating or barking during the national anthem, it will either be sent to Pakistan or given to Kamal R Khan as a pet. But all cows and bulls will be given exemption from this ruling.