Monday, 20th November, 2017

From Tunde to Tinda, a tale of Kebabs

30, Mar 2017 By total gadha

Lucknow: After closure of illegal slaughter houses, Lucknow’s Tunde Kebabs are facing a hard time. Tunde Kebabs, once a delicacy of Lucknow used minced bovine meat as its main ingredient. Seeing this opportunity, Baba Ramdev has come up with a new healthy form of kebab namely Tinda kebab.

Recently, Ramdev held a press conference at his Ashram in Haridwar and declared that he and his team are working on a new patanjali product “Tinda Kebab”.

"Gotcha get you, Cyrus!"
“Gotcha get you, Tunday!”

When asked about it, baba said, “Apple gourd famously known as Tinda in Hindi has a lot of hidden nutritional values attached to it. Tinda when consumed with Ashwagandha and Mulethi can help in proper digestion and relief from gases. As Lucknowites are connoisseur and has special attachment with kebabs, we are soon going to launch semi-cooked frozen kebabs made of Tinda.”

On being asked about the ingredients of the kebab, he said, “Acharya Balkrishan and I have roamed almost every jungle in lap of Himalayas to find the enriched contents for this kebab.” Further he added, “Apart from Tinda, Ashwagandha and Mulethi we are planning to add traces of bitter gourd, Gaumutra and feces of  bovines, to give it a special touch of Tunda”.

Our team conducted an independent survey to find out the reaction of people on Ramdev’s move. Sumati, a house wife is quite happy with this news as she said, “Currently, I have to force my husband and children to eat Tinda, but I presume that when served in form of kebabs they would surely like it.” On contrary, her husband, an UP government official appeared to be in a disgust state. He said,” I don’t know why I voted for BJP. My life has become hell. I can’t even have a packet of my favorite Gutka in office and on top of this that Baba is acting so devilish. Now I’ll have to eat that kebab made of shit. Is this the Achhe Din guaranteed by Modiji?”

As per sources, some local engineering colleges’ canteens have already approached Patanjali for this magic potion. Reportedly, some students were under misconception and thought it to be a local eatery shop where they can take their tinder dates out.

As the news reached local bazaars, prices of Tinda are bullish. A local vegetable seller was seen selling Tinda at 95 rupees/Kg.  Followers of Baba Ramdev are even ready to sell their iPhones to buy Tinda.

Congress and Aam Admi Party staged a joint protest in Ambedkar Memorial Bagh. Congress supremo Rahul Gandhi, who was there said, “When we were at center prices of Tinda was nearly about 2-5 rupees per Kg, is this the way new government is acting by increasing its prices?”

We couldn’t connect to Mr. Kejriwal, who was also there but had to be hospitalized as he was panting in sweat under scorching sun due to his muffler, which he refused to remove.