“Bhaiyya, ek packet Milds dena.”
This was my reaction after I understood the recent report from Environment study group. Environmental scientist Hawa Hawai summarized the report and gave us the conclusion “smoking cigarettes is healthier than breathing Delhi air.”
And This is how people of Delhi responded to the report:
Bhola Padaku: “Oh, I dint know this. (he panicked) Shit! I might get a question on this topic in my IAS paper. Please tell me where I can find the complete report. (Saw the report in my hand) Give me the report you have.” He snatched the copy of report from me and started mugging it immediately.
Fuljhadi Chakresh, head of the firecracker lobby Pataka Fodu Samithi seemed really angry at this report. He said, “This pollution and all is just nonsense. I have been in Delhi for 40 years and breathing this air. Nothing happens (he coughs). It’s all a conspiracy by rich people to ban crackers and take away happiness of celebrating Diwali from us.”
Cobra De, the famous Delhi socialite said, “Unequivocally perturbed by this misfortune. It’s a predicament that such debilitating zephyr blows through Delhi.” Even though I didn’t understand a word of it, I nodded my head and asked whether she planned to work towards creating awareness about this issue. She replied, “Yes, we have organized a lunch at Taj tomorrow for raising awareness. After that we plan to distribute free cigarette packets to poor kids.”
One law maker in particular seemed really happy with this report. Ram Prasad Samrah of BJP said, “I had already told you that even after smoking 60 cigarettes a day, people can have healthy life. This report just proves my point.”
Baba Shamdev has already started teaching a new aasan called “Suttasan”. He said, “All lung problems caused by polluted air will be cured (blinks his left eye) by this aasan. Just smoke beedi and do this aasan.”
Government was proactive and reacted swiftly to this report. Government has decided to ban this report. Bankaiah Naidu said, “This is a conspiracy to defame India. The report was funded by British news channel. There is so much pollution in London. Why dint they publish a report on that?”
“This report will effect our tourism. Also, the people who published the report had not taken necessary permissions from concerned authorities,” Cheenakshi Lekhi said in the parliament.
I learnt a lot more about this issue by talking to all these people. It seems that everyone is concerned and doing their best to live a healthy life in a clean city. This rare attitude makes us special.