Wednesday, 20th September, 2017

Thousands of hens protest, ask for "Murgi-Raksha" squads

09, Apr 2017 By jholu

Jaipur: After another person has been brutally beaten to death, by cow “rakhaks”, thousands of hens have been seen protesting on Jaipur-Delhi highway. Our correspondent Jholu Murgachaap who miraculously reached the location was told by the leader of the agitation, Ms. Murgmakhani Tikka, “We are frustrated. While Cows are respected by Hindus, and Pigs by Muslims, we are respected by none! Forget, “mother, father or brother”, no one even considers us their ex-boy/girl friend! What crime have we committed? we are peace loving birds, who can’t even fly, and these humans — who fight over cows and pigs — celebrate together by eating us! We demand immediate formation of Murgi-Raksha mandal”.

A visibly agitated group of hens prepare strategy for protest in Jaipur
A visibly agitated group of hens prepare strategy for protest in Jaipur

The demand seems to have come after a long drawn struggle of hens to establish identity. They have been even more frustrated over the fact that now-a-days even some vegetarians have started enjoying Omlettes. Ms. Tikka continued “We don’t block roads, we don’t shit on anything, neither do we eat from the drains; We do the great service of waking humans up from their sleep, by being natural alarm bells!, and yeh insaan hamari ijjat hi nahi karte”. It has also been reported from various parts of the country, that, with extra benefits been provided to cows, other animals are feeling

arginalized. While cows in some places are projected to get more benefits than humans, such as old age security, pension, etc. hardly, any other animal has been given any such perks. In the mean while mouse and rats have also been found assembling at different parts of the country to reinforce their religious identity. In a telephonic interview, the head of Akhil-Bharaitya-Chuha-Sangh (ABCS), Mr. Chuha Raj, said, “Humari bhi ijjat hai, Ganesh ji hum pe sawar hua karte the.. Insano ko dood nahi dete, toh kya hua? Iska matlab hame jeher de de kar marenge? Hum murgiyon ke sangharsh ka pura saath dete hai.. kuch dino me hamara sangharsh bhi shuru hoga!” (We also have some respect. Lord Ganesha used to ride on us? We agree, we cannot produce milk for humans. So what? They will continue to poison us? We completely support hens’ protest for self-determination, we will start our protest soon.)

While, as Mukta-Ansari was contacted for a comment, he said “As I had told before, nobody was killed by Gau-Rakshaks, similarly no protests are taking place by hens or rats”. He was then reportedly seen on a unicorn, heading towards Narnia. In the mean while Prime Minister was not available for a comment. He has reportedly been unwell. Secret sources have revealed that he has contracted our prior Prime Minister’s disease of being unable to speak on some specific issues.