Monday, 23rd April, 2018

Terrorism takes backseat, tackling Candy Crush killers is first priority

21, Jul 2014 By pratyush

“We have opened up the Defence sector for FDI to tackle with the terrible situation back home,” said MaNo in his speech at BRICS summit. The other countries too have extended their support in fighting the new internal conflict that India is facing.

It all started when a group of individuals were bombarded with Candy Crush requests from friends they never talk to, cousins they hate and neighbors they never see and Chai walas who charge as high as Rs 10 for not even 10ml tea. They kept ignoring until it became too frequent and a new revolutionary group was formed which calls itself ‘Candy Suckers’.

Candy Burner
Group’s mark.

The group has grown rapidly since then and have resorted to violent means, their motto being hunting down every single person who has sent such a request. Venting out months of frustration, they have made sure that the person gets the most brutal death called ‘Death By Candy’.

Inspired by Dhoom movie, the group leaves a mark called the ‘Burning Candy’ at every crime scene.

Faking news headquarter recently received a letter from Candy Suckers with the lines, “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. Anyone who sends me a Candy Crush Request, I will look for him, I will find him, and I will kill him.”

RaGa, who is an avid Candy Crush player and describes sending requests as his favorite pastime, is disappointed by the developments in this area. He is demanding an RTI act for Candy Crush players as he has projected that “1 mein se 2 bacche ”(1 in every 2 persons) will be Candy Crush player by 2020. He hopes to capture their votes in the next election. As his last election campaign which heavily relied on FarmVille users to vote for him did not see the daylight, his only hope is now Candy Crush.

A research done at International Statistical Institute has shown that the fate of Brazilian players after the defeat to Germany bear great correlation to the victims of Candy Crush.

Mark Zukreberg refused to comment when contacted by Faking news reporter.

Al Bomba, a terrorist organization, after being demoted to No.2 in india’s priority list of threats, have announced for a joint venture with the Indian government to dethrone Candy Suckers from the top spot.