New Delhi. The supreme court of India, today, has transferred all the pending appeals on ‘Clean Chit’ cases to BCCI. “The move is aimed at fast tracking judgments on otherwise heavily criticized, sluggish proceedings of our Judiciary”, the top court released a statement today, after releasing a few politicians on bail, purely on therapeutic grounds.
“For long, we needed an institution which is on par with Indian Judiciary in terms of delivering justice to the hapless Indian society. Many entrants, small and big, appeared to become strong contenders, from time to time, for the need of the hour. None of them stood the test of time as BCCI. The board has consistently proven that it is not just on par with Judiciary but also above the law. For once, we have full faith in BCCI to deliver justice using extremely speedy techniques even in bouncy and testing times”, the top court told Faking News.
“With all the judicial wisdom we have developed over decades, our limited criminal laws fail to understand what it takes to award Clean Chits to individuals and establishments. BCCI acts exactly opposite than us and quite often we are flabbergasted. We ban CSK and RR but BCCI gives them Clean Chits. Players are given CC by us and BCCI bans them for life. So, we have decided to leave the matter to the clear master in this trade to handle all the pending Clean Chit cases including the DA cases from the south”, the top court explained the reasoning behind the extraordinary move.
“We welcome this move by court. With so many officials, the board has plenty of time that can be utilized to deliver justice on Clean Chit cases. We understand the matter better than anybody else in the country. We give clean chits purely on the merit of the case. The code of conduct is very important to us. It is not like Da Vinci code or something. It is only a couple of questions. 1. Is it profitable to BCCI? 2. Does it conflict with the business interests of the president? That is all. We do not know any MCOCA. The last time I heard the word only in a Ricky Martin song!” a BCCI official commented to Faking News on the board’s ability to stand up to the new official judiciary role.
“Ever since the announcement, we are mulling over names for our judiciary wing of the board. The initial couple of entries, ‘Body to Counter Courts in India’ and ‘Board of Clean Chits in India’ have been rejected, as the element of cricket is visibly absent. We want the name to reflect either bat or ball. The wing will probably be called as ‘Batting for Clean Chits in India’ or ‘Ba**s to Counter Courts in India’ is it good enough? You betcha!”, BCCI official wrapped up the discussion with a sporty smile, obviously ready to play in the familiar field.