Saturday, 23rd September, 2017

Stampede in Garhwa after teaching post advertisement

17, Sep 2014 By nilamvibhishan

Faking news correspondent’s have found that there was very heavy rush on the road leading to Garhwa Kudrum Janjatiye Awasiya Vidyalaya.  Apparently, this rush was for a walk-in interview for a teaching post,  the school authorities have claimed innocence as they thought nobody would come from cities to a sleepy village and like last time  this post will remain vacant for several years. The rush was so heavy that village police was unable to manage it and there was a stampede after two candidates started to quarrel.

School office documents revealed that applicants had came from all over the world, several of them were graduates from IITs and some even came from as far as MIT/ Harward. Local BJP leaders claimed that this is due to Modi’s brand of development and it is totally in sync with his slogan “Sabka Saath, Sabka Vikaas”. While the  JDU enthusiast claimed it to be results of Jharkhand fallowing Bihar model of development and this school has potential to become second campus of Nalanda university.

Faking news has further investigated on the matter and found  that the advertised teaching post had got vacant due to untimely resignation from a previous teacher “McDowell’s Mahto”.  Under the influence of alcohol, McDowell had tried to mate with a wild forest animal, however animal felt offended and he got injured. He was recuperating in a nearby hospital when his wife “Suramaa devi” came to know about his wild adventures. Suramaa beat him to the pulp in the hospital itself, McDowell’s had always claimed to be a fearless lion among his colleagues  but when everybody knew who the real lioness is, he was unwilling to face his own peers.  Identity of the aforementioned wild animal has been kept secret by the forest department to protect it from any harm by school teachers and friends of McDowell’s.

Our correspondent has spoken with some of the injured candidates to find why they were so eager to grab this job. He found that indeed it was due to government policies. One candidate who had a degree from Stanford said that he always wanted to return to India but was waiting for a suitable opportunity; he was unable to survive without regular booz. Thus most workplaces denied him opportunity. Another candidate who was an IIT graduate revealed that he likes quality videos of certain kind, videos of his likes and tastes were hard to find on youtube and it was even harder to find quality in them. Every now and then new directives from supreme court blocks websites vital to him, without this job he was afraid he has to go to de-addiction camp . One South-Indian candidate was lamenting about absence of such school in his part of country and was wondering if children in this school can be shown regional language videos.

Every child enrolled in this school is absolutely thrilled with this development and  these children gleefully told our correspondent that they know something more than their American counterparts.  Seems we are not far behind from the day when India would be a developed country i.e. Every Indian has got developed into an adult.