Hyderabad: Scientists have invented a new remote that can control the masculinity level of men. It will be soon available in market and can be used only by women.
Scientists of Research & Development Labs have worked hard for three years and have finally invented a new remote control that can be used to control the hormone level and thought process of men. Almost, 200 scientists from various backgrounds like biotechnology, neurology, psychology, nuclear physics and sexual science had camped in the city for more than two years to develop this device.
Naming it as “EmoControl”, the R&D Labs have decided to sell it at low cost, so that the Indian women can be largely benefited from their invention and also help those women in realizing their long-lasting dream of controlling men. Lead of the initiative, Dr. Reddy, said, “This EmoControl is the brainchild of three of our top women scientists. They were finding ways to control the behavior of men by altering the hormone secretion areas in the brain. This invention is marriage of physics and biology. We have designed the remote such that when the button is pressed, it sends a new special rays, which can alter the brain and thereby its thought patterns. This EmoControl makes a man an Unreal Man. Also, it can only be operated by women, as the advanced technology embedded in its button and knobs scans for women hormone and other peculiar factors inside the body of operating person. Even transsexuals cannot use this, as we don’t want to be slapped by a lawsuit!”
He further explained about the remote, ” See here. This knob has four scales – more masculine, less masculine, less feminine and more feminine.When a woman wants her man to be less mardaani, that is less masculine, then she can adjust the knob in the remote to less masculine and he will be more caring, affectionate and will cry seeing puppies at roads. When she twists the knob to more feminine and presses the button aiming the remote above his head, he becomes a girl in guy’s body. She can take him to shopping and he will be doing all girl gossips with her during hours of shopping. All said, this is going to be revolutionary product for women. Finally, they can control men and make them live as they wish. We have already provided some thousand samples to women who booked for it six months back. They are using it for past two weeks and their feedback was too strong so that we decided to make this public.”
Sitting next to Reddy, was Dr. Sadhana, his junior, who had brought this idea into the lab. She continued, “For less masculinity and more feminine traits, women have to use this remote above the head. The rays emitting from this remote will make brain secrete less aromatase, thereby halting the brain from exhibiting mardaani thoughts. If a woman want a man to be more masculine, she should use this remote near his pant zip area, so that testosterone is increased. I got this idea when my niece was complaining about her husband who was not flexible and is too mardaani!“
The news of EmoControl soon started spreading among the women and they were all excited. We spoke to a 24-year old girl, who was very excited on hearing about this, “This is really awesome. My boyfriend is too manly and is never caring, affectionate. I want him to be like Edward and treat me like a Bella. But, he behaves like Arnold. With this remote, I can make him more feminine while going for shopping, less feminine while talking with my girl gangs, less masculine when we are in romantic mood and more masculine in bed and before my stalkers. Yippee!”
Another girl who had used it thrice last month, said, “Three men tried to sexually abuse me last month. I just pressed this remote with less feminine above their heads in a fraction of seconds. They then started asking about where I bought these ear rings and asked about my lipsticks. So funny!”
Reports of such remote has made many men to not come out of house and have stopped a lot of stalking activities in the Haryana-UP belt. Raju bhai, a famous roadside romeo who used to flaunt his biceps to girls on the road, is now missing from the nearby bakery for past 3 days. His friend, Pappu, said, “Before he went missing, two girls were chasing him with some black remote in their hand.” Just as we were talking to Pappu, we saw Pappu’s face turn bright, “Oh wow! Hot girl. Should be Raju bhai’s sister” he said, as he went behind a more feminised Raju Bhai in the street.
Meanwhile, someone by the name UltaaBhakwaas tweeted, “This #EmoControl makes the rowdies who give catcalls to turn into pussies. #ARealMan can never be a man.”