Monday, 23rd October, 2017

Santa Claus to close down India operations, Rajinikant to replace him

18, Dec 2012 By bakeafakecake

They say all good things come to an end, but we couldn’t see this one coming. In an exclusive interview, Mr. Santa Claus confirmed that he will be closing down the operations in India after wrapping up the duties for X-mas in 2012.

Speaking to Faking News, Santa said, “ Ho Ho Ho !!! Well, quite a few years have passed since I started operating in India. I still remember around the 1970’s when family and friends in Netherlands would ask me if I will ever start going to India on X-mas to do my usual stuff on x-mas eve. A lot of relatives told me to bring back spices, exotic fabric, ivory, chefs and cooks.”

When asked about his start of operations, Santa got nostalgic, “I finally appeared here a couple of decades back. It was very easy work in the beginning. My work increased manifold in the recent years, and I am not getting any younger. I manage the entire USA on my own, but I can’t manage India.”

Commenting on the problems with the logistics that he faced in India, Mr. Claus said, “I gave up operating on reindeers in India quite a few years back after 3 of them were killed in an accident because of poor visibility due to smog around the NCR region. We had hit something, not sure if it was a bird, or a plane ! Luckily I survived. I sold the rest of the reindeers to the Coca-Cola company. That basically meant operating using the public air network. That worked fine till 2008 when I lost the aids as a result of the global economic slowdown, and I had to use the road transportation to cut on operational costs.”

“With the increase in prices of petrol and diesel, thanks to the Indian government, I had to resort to a two-wheeler. I must clarify here, I am not related to the Prime Minister of India. I have been told my First name is used in the Sikh religion as well but pronounced slightly differently. Ever since using the road network, my snow-white beard has gone jet black, I have inhaled I don’t know how much carbon into my lungs, and it’s a miracle how people survive here and do nothing about it. Kudos to them for being so ignorant and lazy. Ho Ho Ho!” Santa added.

On the topic of challenges he faced in India, Mr. Claus said, “I have 2769 cases pending in the police station across the country. I was looted at numerous occasions while I would be going to deliver gifts. Once in Delhi, a young guy even tried to force himself onto me but then he realized in the right nick of time that I wasn’t some 90 year old lady. Ho Ho Ho !! Peculiar Delhi”.

Talking about his services being taken care of by the one and only Rajnikant from next year onwards, Mr. Claus confirmed, “Talks are in the last phase now with Mr. Gaekwad to take over the operations in India and Japan from next year onwards. His knowledge of the local terrain will convert into extra operational efficiency, and it will also mean zero transportation costs as he can deliver gifts through his own ultra-modern technology which, I am intrigued to say is far more advanced than the western world. His popularity will further enhance the concept ”

We couldn’t touch base with his high-ness, but his son-in-law Dhanush talked to us over phone and confirmed, “Yes sir, that is afterall truth. Appa is very happy with the talks conducted with Mr.Claus. I am busy these days to compose a new jingle for him.”

We wished Mr. Claus a very happy retirement from the India and Japan operations. The transition will be seamless, the traditions all the same,  the only difference being a glass full of rasam, and 2 plain idly’s to be placed on the table by the kids before they go to bed on X-mas eve.