Thursday, 27th July, 2017

RAW and IB to train Indians to keep mental illness top secret

21, Jan 2017 By Ajinkya Lakhepatil

New Delhi: Today RAW and IB have jointly announced that both agencies will train the Indian citizens to keep their mental illness the top most secret. The agencies had previously received many requests by Indian citizens to organize such workshop and finally the agencies have agreed to help the mentally ill to keep the mental illness top personal secret.

Reportedly the IB (Intelligence Bureau) will help the trainees aka mentally ill to keep their mental illness a secret from the close family members like parents, spouse, brothers, sisters, close friends and from cousins (in some particular unfortunate cases). The RAW (Research and analysis wing) will cover the rest like neighbours, long distance and distant relatives, whatsapp friends etc. The trainees can keep the mental illnesses like clinical depression, anxiety, stress to themselves after completion of the training.

The press release says, “This training would remove the amateurishness from the trainees while keeping the mental illness a secret. It will add professionalism to the whole process. The trainees will smartly keep their mental illness a secret as mental illness is irritating and shameful event which needs to be constantly avoided. We hope the mentally ill would learn to keep their mental illness a top-notch secret forever after the training.”

Reportedly the pretend fake-laugh is part of training. The seminar on “how to pretend to be a perfect person” is also part of the workshop. The details of training are available online under a sham name of “learning basic cooking” on official IB website.