Saturday, 19th August, 2017

Rapists demand hanging out instead of hanging as punishment

26, Nov 2013 By manithan

Delhi: Rapists of India (RoI),  an underground secret union whose members are always kept in secret while their activities are famous nationwide, had convened a press meet earlier this morning. Varun BeachPol, the leader of the RoI, spoke with a list of points, “We demand the government to provide the following right to Rapists:

Varun BeachPol.
Varun BeachPol.

1.Rapists should have the rights to take six months recluse from their work, if accused of rape. This can satisfy the rape victim and free rapists of their guilt. Also, this can enable them to threaten the victim’s family and clear the case, as it is hard to apply for leave in workplace nowadays.

2.If a rapists feels that he had committed a rape, then the court can reduce his punishment. For every time he feels ashamed of his act, one year should be reduced from his punishment.

3.Rapists should be shifted to vacation spot so that they can stay away from the heat of media. Since Goa is a place where media people are either drunk or busy following celebrities, it would be a good spot to relax themselves. Rapists should not be hanged, rather they should be allowed to hangout.

4.If found guilty of rape, then they should have the rights to blame the victim. Since, blame based on dresses of victim or her character have become too monotonous, we have decided to shift our focus on ‘food she is eating’ and ‘movie she is watching’.

5.All rapists are juveniles, at one point of their life. So, they should be tried under juvenile laws.

6.Rapists will be recruiting female secular journalists as their friends, so that those women can defend their act on social media.”

When Varun ended the speech, there was thunderous applause from the darker section of the auditorium. Appreciating the points, Ram Singh, said, ” I am unemployed. And so, If I am accused of rape, then I will be provided 6 months of employment by the government. Also, I can go to Goa. Yippeee!”

RoI has also condemned Narendra Modi of allowing his government to snoop on women at nights. Varun added, “Modi has done irreversible cruelty to rapists by providing security to women at nights. This is a violation of our privacy rights. We are scot-free under UPA, but we fear that Modi might repeat in the centre what he had done to Gujarat. Modi is a police arising figure.” Varun was also the author of motivation books for rapists, namely, “The Alchemy of Rape”, “Story of my Ass and Sins” and “The Jolly of Molests”.

One of the home ministry official said, ” We are glad of all the points. Especially, the third point, because, we can send those rapists to islands which might save our urban women. Also, we can argue with them to recluse themselves from rape for 6 months as form of punishment, as their only job is to rape women. But on top of it, RoI has ceremoniously given a big blow to Modi, so they are on our side”. But, NCW which was ferocious in the snooping case, is not available for comments now.