Friday, 23rd February, 2018

Ramdev suggests a better strategy for Bhai: Being Moo over Being Human

01, Aug 2016 By satani

New Delhi. Leading businessman Ramdev, who appears on the magazine front cover without a front cover, who has built a business empire with the unique marketing strategy of appeal to nature, antiquity, culture, nationalism and asceticism, was questioned by our Fakingnews reporter on strategies of other marketing geniuses. He had a rare insight about Salman’s Being Human campaign launched in 2007, which has now met with its primary goal of escaping a sentence and preventing poor movie collections.

Ramdev expressed that while the drive of delusion under the tag of Being human was successful, it could have been a lot more smooth if he had better foresight. He pointed out, “These days, it is not one human that forgives the other, but only a mother that forgives the child. Brotherhood only clicks amongst closed circles of Bhai fans and Bhakts. If Salman had seen that life of mother cow would matter more than that of a human being, he would have gone with something better, like Being Moo“. The business tycoon asks “Is it not the best strategy to appeal for forgiveness to the Bharat Maa, instead of humanity, when I myself can get away with a decapitation threat for not chanting a slogan about her?”.

The rocking Baba
The rocking Baba

Abhijeet Bhattacharya, former singer better known for vitriolic social media posts, posted on Facebook about this. “Ramdev ji ne to mere Moo (pun intended) ki baat cheen li. (Ramdev stole words from my mouth). Ramdev’s business mind knows what and how the country thinks. Cows and poor human beings both lie on the road, but only be suspected for killing a cow and you get an expedited death sentence. Kill a homeless human and you get an acquittal. Kutton ki tarah footpath pe rahoge to kutton ki maut maroge, Gai ke tarah jiyoge to Gai ke tarah bachoge! (Live like a dog on the footpath and die like one, live like a cow and get immunity like one). #OnlyCowLivesMatter #BetterBeMoo.”

Subramanian Swamy, thoroughly inspired, wrote an email to the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) asking them to take lessons from Save in India initiative started by Gou rakshaks. “If you wanna save a species from extinction, laws won’t help, just worship the damn animal. One species worshiped per country and you have saved them all except the humans.”

Kejriwal, who has already sought the help of WWF for his fears of AAP being killed to extinction, retorted, “What else can you expect from the Baba and Bhai duo? They both are known for fooling the nation about the black buck(s)!”

Men’s rights activists (MRAs) who had earlier called for everyone to chant Bharat Pita ki Jai, have staged protest demanding an apology from Ramdev. Their main line of argument is that Bhai fans are the reason Salman is free and Being Moo is offensive to them as they do eat beef. They complained that Ramdev is trying to give Salman’s campaign a feminist colour by repeatedly appealing to mothers but not fathers. They cry that the lonG fight to #SaveSalman was lead by friend-zoned MRAs while feminists were conspicuously silent about the grave issue. They feel that If it needs a change, it needs to be changed to Being Poo, P for patriarchy.

Meanwhile on Facebook, Bhakts were having a proud moment when a paid Bhakt reminded them how Ana of the movie Fifty shades of Grey chanted “holy Cow” when she felt intimidated by Grey.