Monday, 26th June, 2017

Rahul Gandhi proposes new pattern of selection for IIMs

16, Nov 2013 By iamgreat

New Delhi.  As the CAT(Common Admission Test) 2013 window closed on 11th November, the CAT takers this year seemed quite discontent because of the sudden escalation in the level of difficulty of questions in their online test as compared to last few years’ difficulty level.

For most of the veteran CAT takers , the number of questions attempted by them was much less than what they had attempted last year. “Even AIMCATs conducted by TIME seemed to be a cakewalk when compared to this year’s CAT ” said Vivek, a B.Tech.(which he now regrets being) graduate from IIT Delhi and an International Physics Olympiad Winner, whose profile,as rated by IIMs,stands nowhere in comparison to a graduate from Asaram Bapu Institute of Technology, a deemed university holding the Guinness record of having all students with 9.5+ CGPA  in its campus. Sources said that Vivek flunked a subject in his 4th standard, hence his profile was not considered that good by IIMs selection committee. “My childhood has haunted me in the worst possible way” he groaned.

“CAT should be abolished” said Rahul Gandhi in a speech at New Delhi

After ascertaining the plight of the candidates, Rahul Gandhi gave his speech promising a new pattern of selection of students for the most sought after B schools of India. According to the new pattern, there will be no exam conducted for selection and hence CAT will be abolished. The list of merit would be purely based on amount a prospective candidate can pay for a seat in the course. There will be an online bidding just like eBay for that.

“If your dad is rich, what is the need to take a test ” he said in this speech. “I never gave any test in my life but still got admitted to Harvard. All because my dad was the PM of India and had enough power and money in Swiss bank to get me there. A merit list based on test scores is discriminatory to those who don’t get seats in good colleges instead of being from a rich and influential family.” he elucidated.

A rejoicing Arunav , son of Congress MP, from Jaipur, said “I can’t imagine a better and more transparent criteria of admission. Mere papa ki khoon paseene ki kamai se main ab MBA kar sakunga “.

When faking news reporter asked Rahul Gandhi that how will the poor be able to get education under his proposed scheme, to which he explained “Getting an MBA is a state of mind. Poor people need the escape velocity of Jupiter to get it“.

On this occasion, General Secretary of Congress, Digvijay Singh, tweeted “CAT ke difficult hone ke piche RSS ka haath hai.” Rahul baba has the vision to lead India with his brilliant ideas. He should definitely be the next Prime Minister,”  he fawned further.