Thursday, 23rd November, 2017

Rahul Gandhi conferred honorary doctorate in tribal affairs

14, Aug 2013 By kaagemusha

Rahul Gandhi has been conferred an honorary doctorate in all matters tribal by the Cambridge University. Amartya sen, who was the force behind the move, spoke with us on phone from Rahul’s house, where he has been camping in order to make sure that someone is there to receive the degree by registered post (as Rahul is in Thailand, and the rest of the Congress has gheraoed Robert Vadra in order to save him from himself).

Rahul Gandhi
Rahul Gandhi speaking at the convocation ceremony.

“It was his creativity that caught the imagination of the officials of the University”, he said “Sleeping for a night in a tribal’s house ranks as one of his greatest achievements in life, and they just could not ignore it”. Elaborating further, he said conferring the doctorate was also done to brush under the carpet put to rest a controversy about Rahul’s educational qualifications. Admitting that because even the university is not sure whether he did his master’s from there, they decided to confer a higher degree to him to brush the matter under the carpet put down the raging controversy.

University officials also confirmed that a book being written by Manish Tewari by Rahul Gandhi will be published by the university press soon. Titled “one thousand and one excuses:life and times of a political Buddhu Buddha”, the central theme of the book is purported to be how not to do anything of significance in your entire life, including the occasional shave. Prof. Sen said that the book will be made essential reading in India, since the entire nation owes a debt of gratitude to Rahul for speaking only a handful of times in the otherwise ruckus, anarchic parliament. He went ahead and said that the NAC is violently considering changing the name of Delhi to Rahulpur, Kolkata to Priyankanagar, Chennai to Soniapur, and the commercial capital Mumbai to Robertnagar. Prof. Sen was jostled out of the interview by Kapil Sibal who came out of the wood works in Rahul’s house, to say that Robert Vadra has re-written the rules of business, and the least that Indians could do to honour him was to change the name of an otherwise hapless, flooded city. Mr. Sibal then offered and started to recite one of his poems “O Captain, My Captain Rahul”, but could not continue as this correspondent fainted before the first line of the recital finished.

Update: Cambridge University has just confirmed that they have had to confer a doctorate to Robert Vadra as they were informed that he comes with the package. When they said that the candidate cannot string together a coherent sentence in any human language, nor could he look half intelligent if he tried to, Salman Khurshid India’s external affairs minister flew over to the Registrar’s office and sorted out the issue. Immediately realizing their mistake, the university officials hastily conferred the doctorate to Vadra, recognizing his contributions to the world of ‘Jugaad’ – an esoteric term that has replaced India’s definition from being a country of snake charmers, to that of a banana republic.