In a startling development, the President has declared Shorshe Ilish (hilsa cooked in mustard) as the national food through a special midnight ordinance. Just a few hours before the nation is about to get its 15th PM, this extraordinary event has surprised many. Delhi watchers say that this kind of event had last happened during Lord Irwin who was forced to declare tandoori chicken as Delhi’s state food by the late Khuswant Singh.
At Faking News though we promptly tapped into our sources in the Presidential kitchen. A cook who specializes in Rui Macher Kalia informed us ” Ever since there was news of Dhokla and Khakra being made the national food, His Execellency suffered a nervous breakdown. Bengal itself has got over 50 rivers..you see..what do you do with them? Either you eat fishes or they will eat you“.
But do fishes eat men? Our correspondent asked. ” What boka (fool) you are? ” Don’t you watch National Geographic?”
However considering that the boundary problems with China,Pakistan and Bangladesh, water sharing with Nepal, Bhutan, Bangladesh and a peace deal in the middle east had already been done with, His Excellency decided to take on the threat of vegetarianism head on. In a televised address which was blacked out (as per doordarshan norms) the president was heard saying ” The sacrifices of Rui, Katla and Ilish will not go in vain!! Who can forget the tender childhood of parshe?…Can we allow Muri ghonter daal to be forgotten so easily? What about the tender lamb curry cooked in green chilly and mustard?”
Taking a cue from the President , CM of the state of West Bengal has vowed not allow a single Hilsa to cross over to Bangladesh. ” What do these people think…haa? They may have taken the parliament , but they can not take our fish from us.” “But you have always stood up for Maa, Mati and Manush only ..isn’t it?” asked our correspondent (who is still learning where not to ask questions) ” Why suddenly fish?” “
“Are you a CPM or Maoist?..only they ask questions like this. What do you think will Manush eat if fishes are not there? What will Maa cook?”
However the things did not end here. In a closed door meeting (soon after the Presidential address) which was attended by the top bureaucrats and intellectuals it was unanimously agreed that if national anthem can be Bengali then why not national state, national cuisine and national puja? Accordingly the following was finalized and received the Presidential nod over fried rice and prawn curry:
National food: Hilsa cooked in Mustard with green chilly
National Puja: Durga Puja
National State: West Bengal
National Actor: Uttam Kumar
National actress: Suchitra Sen
Natinal Movie: Saptopodi
National cream: Borolin
National oil: Mustard oil
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