Sunday, 20th August, 2017

Political Parties propose use of Airtel’s new slogan to resolve Assam Crisis

16, Sep 2012 By Blue

In order to justify the lack of action to stop illegal immigration into Assam over the years, several political parties have decided to use the new Airtel slogan “Jo mera hai, who tera hai, jo tera hai, woh mera hai”.

“Jo tera hai, who mera hai is not a new concept for us politicians, you see. We have been practicing it since years.” said PK Bansal, the Minister of Parliamentary Affairs, after the debate in the Parliament on the issue.

While it was extensively debated in the Parliament whether or not illegal immigrants were at the root of the riots which engulfed several villages in Assam, all parties realized that not much has been done to stop it, over the years. Thus, the recent advertising campaign by Airtel has come at just the right time for many parties.

“I don’t know what’s the big deal, if some of those poor innocent Bangladeshis walk into our territory. Can’t we just adjust a bit and share our resources with them?” said Law Minister Salman Khurshid.”The PM says they might lose the first right on the country’s resources a few years from now. But till then, we can reserve 18% of the Assamese hills and Brahmaputra water for them” he explained, careful enough not to dare anyone to hang him to death for saying so, in view of the fact that Pratibha Patil would no longer be considering mercy petitions.

“If we Indians take some lessons from the Airtel campaign, we will realize that the allegedly illegal immigrants can claim as “mera” what is actually ours if they cannot be proven to be illegal.” pointed out Tarun Gogoi. “Besides, I would deport them if they did not have valid voter cards.” gushed smilingly, the Assam Chief Minister. “But those guys already have them. What to do?” he continued, unable to contain his bliss.

“I don’t know why we should mind sharing our land with them” said B. Acharya, of the Left Parties. “They add so much to our GDP. We can employ them to do gheraos and dharnas outside factories whenever a trade union decides to strike. For the rest of the time, i.e. when there are no strikes and people are willing to work, they may remain unemployed and be a drag on the economy. But if we come to power, we will ensure labourers are on strike for most of the time and thus, the allegedly illegal immigrants get their jobs as professional gheraoists and dharnists.” he continued, explaining the economic model that could be implemented countrywide if a 3rd front government spearheaded by the Left comes to power in the ensuing General Elections.

“Or we can give them Rs. 1,000 per month” pointed out as Samajwadi Party MP. ”Sure the tax-payers of Assam and the rest of India can spare that much for our guests. The communal forces keep talking about Bhartiya Sanskriti. Now where is their Atithi Devo Bhava?” he demanded.

“LK Advani is responsible for the rise of communalism in India. Nitish Kumar should prove his secular credentials by exiting the NDA” reacted Lalu when our reporter asked him for his views on the Assam crisis.

Meanwhile, on being updated of Mary Kom’s bronze medal victory at the Olympics in women’s boxing, Rahul Gandhi thundered ”Jis rajya ne hindustaan ko pehla women’s boxing medal jitayaa, woh thik se apna shaasan kyon nahi chala sakta. Agar desh ko badalna hai, to pehle Assam ko badalna hoga.” Manipur Congress workers are reported to be relieved that the State elections were already held earlier this year.