Tuesday, 19th December, 2017

Police tighten their grip on impersonators in India

21, Jan 2013 By Pishaachini

The Indian politicians, policemen, cricketers and actors have always been locking horns to outdo one another to prove themselves worthy of the “Dumbest Race on Planet”. After a slew of political foolhardiness, cricket “excellence” and awards function shifted the attention of public away from the pot-bellied nincompoops in Khaki, they have come up with a new plan to prove themselves – cracking down upon people who impersonate others.

To the untrained, this thought is very good for the betterment of society. But the people who are properly versed with the ins and outs of the Indian Police force, a fuckery was always around the corner. On a Disaster scale of 1 to having a kid like Uday Chopra, what transpired was off the charts. Here are some of the testimonials of the people who were caught in the past few days for impersonation:

“I am Rahul. I was standing on the bus stop when a police jeep stopped near me. 2 constables got down and asked me to sit inside. They told that I am impersonating Rahul Gandhi. I told them that I don’t even know anything about politics and I give a fuck about the country, they said it’s exactly how Rahul Gandhi behaves. I have been in lockup for 2 days!”

“I was sitting in my shop. 2 policemen came and asked my father what I do. He told that I am good for nothing and can’t do anything of my own. He has to overlook each and everything I do. I am only good for going to vendors, using his name and getting the work done. Little did he know that he is providing the police ‘valuable evidence’ that I am impersonating Abhishek Bachchan.”

“I have a lot of hair on my chest. I was removing it with an electric razor when police broke open my bathroom door and arrested me. Apparently I was impersonating Anil Kapoor by playing Farmville on my chest.”

“I was jogging in the park. Since I had been doing it for quite some time, I was out of breath and was taking quick shallow breaths and sweating. They caught me for impersonating Sunny Leone from Jism 2!”

And it is not only the common man who is suffering. Even Snoop Dogg was not spared when he came to India for his concert. They actually arrested him for impersonating Yo Yo Honey Singh in mannerisms. After beating him for 5 days, they finally let him go when he accepted that he was the one who sang the song Ch##t and posted on YouTube in Honey Singh’s name.

As you see, Indian Police has come back in contention in a big way. Will the other dumb races of India catch up? Will we get something more chutiya than Rahul Gandhi as a PM candidate? Will Rohit Sharma finally give up on his fetish for Maggi just as he is about to bat or will a more “original” composer than Pritam get am award for best compositions soon? This we don’t know. Only thing we know is that we have come to the best part of the article – the part where I stop writing and you stop reading.

So till the next time, adios.