Wednesday, 22nd February, 2017

Pakistan: No peace talks till Virat Kohli's retirement

15, Feb 2017 By Viral Shah

Pakistan Govt. has decided not to improve their relations with their arch rival India. It is believed that Pakistan Cricket Board has requested the govt to maintain status quo. Our sources say that they are terrified with Virat Kohli’s form.

In the last 18 months India has defeated all Test playing nations barring Australia, Pakistan and Zimbabwe. With the defeat of Australia looming large in Feb- March, Pakistan will be the only major Test playing nation to be tested. Also Virat himself is in unbelievable form. He now has centuries against all major Test playing nations except Pakistan.

Yet another time with Chinese support Pakistan has managed to get a duplicate product, which won't last for a longer time.
Yet another time with China’s support Pakistan has managed to get a duplicate product, which won’t last for a longer time.

Noticing all this, the PCB has asked the Pak Govt to avoid peace talks for at least 10 years. Reportedly one of their bowlers said, “Goli se darr nahi lagta, Kohli se lagta hai. We don’t want to play Cricket against India and face the prospect of getting thrashed by Kohli and then by our fellow Pakistanis. It is better that we avoid peace talks and cricket till Virat’s retirement.”

After this news flashed the stocks of major TV companies took a severe hit. These TV companies have maximum turnover after India defeats Pakistan in World Cup cricket matches which is when Pakistanis destroy their TV sets in anger and then look for a new one. This cycle has continued for quite sometime now with India defeating Pakistan in all world cup matches (and all Wars).

Zimbabwe was quick to react to these news. Realizing that their struggling economy needed some impetus they have offered to play and host India for a test series. They have promised to lay flat pitches and below par performances for Virat Kohli to break even more records.