Encouraged by the response to ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’, an Ichchadhari Nag aged 250yrs has decided to disclose the true identity of J. Nehru. According to him, Nehru was his close associate and a trained Nagmani Defender. “Back then, the Indian public wasss not prepared to embrace Nehru’s true identity”, Hissed the Ichcha-dhari nag. “But times have changed. People today do not need to hide behind metaphors and are accepted as they are, literally.” Asked what could have caused this sudden broad-mindedness, Mr. Nag showed his tongue, “the growth in Literacy rate must have improved the understanding of literal over figurative.” In the meanwhile, the vampire community has welcomed the move to cast them in a historical movie, giving them their rightful place among ‘real’ people, who, either dismissed them as mere metaphors for ‘blood-sucking’ plantation owners and bankers, or worse still, thought of them as loony lovelorn half-wits with ancient-sounding names. The movie has restored their image as ferocious beings. Not just vampires and ichchadhari nags but the whole gamut of supernatural creatures including vish-kanyas, hadals, chakwas and whatnot are for real. The time might just be ripe for Ichchadhari Nags to make their contribution to India’s freedom struggle known. Ichchadhari nags have inhabited India since the Indus-valley civilization. Nehru in fact, took it upon himself to pen down the glorious history of nag-folk in a book, later published as Discovery of India (though Indira totally altered the contents when she was proof-reading the draft). In the modern history, Nags played an important role in the mid 1940s.When prominent congress leaders were jailed during Quit India Movement, the Ichchadhari Nags went underground (as only they could literally go underground) and kept the movement alive. Nehru realized the importance of Nagmani in bringing back power to his countrymen. At that time, Nagmani used to be continuously shifted from one fort to another to make it difficult to trace its location. It happened to be in Ahmednagar fort in 1942, where Nehru was jailed and he valiantly guarded it. However, he politely declined the offer to be turned into an ichchadhari nag himself. During partition, the Mani was hidden in Junagarh Fort and Nehru feared that it might fall in the hands of Jinnah. But the Nag-folk managed to rescue the stone. It was with mani-power that Junagarh and other princely states were annexed to the Indian Union. After freedom, Nehru planned to use Mani-power to abolish untouchability. But as there are good nags and bad nags, the bad ones opposed the idea. Dalits worked as landless labourers back then and served as easy fodder for the bad Nags. A picture depicting the handing over-ceremony of Nagmani to Ambedkar was recently banned by Peter Pettigrew (reborn in India as Kapil Sibal). Pettigrew aka Sibal is himself an Animagus (European breed of Ichchadhari creatures) and fears that his true identity as a ‘rat’ will come to the fore if such images are published in the name of cartoons. This may hinder his favorite pastime of eating away of education system in general and NCERT Textbooks in particular. “After the tragic demise of Nehru, I felt pretty useless in politics as nobody took us seriously. In order to create conducive atmosphere for the absorption of ichchadhari-nag community into the rich diversity of Indian people as envisaged by Nehru, we tried to educate the masses about our culture and values through the most effective medium of the time – B-Grade Films.” On being asked what made him give up the effort, the Nag shrugged, “I was bored of imparting dancing lessons to the likes of Jitendra and Mithun and decided to take a break. We need a better platform to assert ourselves and I now feel the revealing of Nehru’s secrets might just prove to be that.” The Mani was later lost by Indira, who did not believe in the existence of Nags and mistook mani-power to be money-power, completely misreading Nehru’s directives. It is only recently that Rahul G found the unedited draft of Discovery of India and realized the importance of Mani. As this is his only hope of laying claim to the family throne, he is still searching for it in Dalit homes where it was last reported to be seen.
Reported by: K-Oss