Saturday, 24th February, 2018

MBA admissions to be decided through MTV Roadies

19, Feb 2013 By circuslion

India’s premier B-Schools have decided to outsource their admission procedure from this year onward. The move comes on the heels of a similar decision last year to outsource their placements to HR firms.

“Ab hum lenge… sab ke… Interviews!”

Experts say that this BPO approach to education shall allow the institutes to focus on their core strengths i.e. placements imparting excellent education.

Highly placed sources confirmed that the eminent and immensely popular (abhorred/hated?) trio of Raghu, Rajeev, and  Ranvijay from MTV Roadies have been signed up in for the task. The Dean of a premier B-School (name withheld to protect the reporter), expressed confidence in the move.

“There are striking similarities between the Roadies selection process and B School GD/PIs. Fish market GDs, SOP forms, stress interviews – these are the key meeting grounds for us and the Roadies team. Moreover, they have successfully been conducting nationwide auditions and have the necessary logistics and infrastructure in place,” said the name-withheld official.

The One

It has been learned that the one-who-knows-all TV anchor Arnab Goswami, too was briefly considered for the job. However, his penchant for not allowing his interviewees to speak at all went against him.

Our in-house education consultant, Mr. Ghandan Choyal, gave thumbs up to the move. “By outsourcing placements, the institutes had already signaled their intentions to focus upon academics. The move to outsource admissions is a strategic one and shall enhance the global standards of these management schools,” he said.

When asked how, he said something around the lines of Capability-Strategy-Framework-Bandwidth-KPIs-Best Practices; the exact sense of which was lost on this reporter.

This reporter also spoke to the Roadies team for their reaction. As expected, he was chased away by Mr. Raghu Ram and his trademark “Tu hai kaun be… samjhta kya hai apne aapko!?? Main teri woh haalat karunga &%^#$&*^@(#$&)$)… Yeh mera show hai… *&^$)@$)*@@**><>##.”

Fortunately, Mr. Ranvijay was more accommodating and said that they were quite elated to interview B-School aspirants. He promised that he’ll keep Raghu Ram and his anger in check, and that a candidate’s ass shall be left alone – both from the line of questioning and line of physical attack. However, the usual set of questions (pink wigs, pole dances etc?) to assess a candidate’s all round personality shall be retained.

It has also been learned (unreliably again) that the folks at MTV India are planning a complete reality show on these interview processes. “B School interviews are total masala material with numerous success and failure moments. The necessary emotional ingredients are already present, all we need to do is to package and sell it,” they said.

However, not everyone is amused. A section of the aspirants were concerned that it may lead to a larger-than-normal proportion of good looking girls gaining admission, which in turn would have a direct bearing on placements (bloody male chauvinist pigs!).

Right wing organizations have called the move as “westernization of MBA Education” and have called for a nationwide ‘chakka jaam’. The left too has opposed this corporatization of education and have called for a nationwide (Kerala, Bengal maybe?) strike.

The HRD Ministry could not be contacted for their comments. Apparently they were busy trolling the net, looking for offensive content (like this one) to be blocked by the DoT.