Sunday, 18th February, 2018

Man runs faster than Usain Bolt when being chased to get him married

13, Apr 2014 By Toffee

In an unexpected turn out of events, a Bangalore-based software developer has broken Usain Bolt’s 100m sprint record by running the same distance in just 9.27 seconds.

Everyone was shocked when Rahul, a 28-year old employee of Infosys, ran like hell for his life. Even Usain Bolt was totally astonished and couldn’t believe his eyes.

Usain Bolt after unsuccesfully chasing Rahul
Usain Bolt after unsuccesfully chasing Rahul

Our Faking News reporter met Rahul near smoking zone of Rahul’s office to find how he could achieve this remarkable feat and why the hell Usain Bolt was chasing him. The interview revealed surprising facts, tracing down to the great Indian tamasha – Arranged Marriage.

“What the hell yaar! My parents have no idea of what I really want to do in life and the kind of girl I would like to get married to. I tried explaining to them that I would be quitting my job to chase my dream of becoming a photographer. I wouldn’t have time and wouldn’t be able to do keep the girl happy even if I get married now. But everything falls on deaf ears and they end up asking, ‘That and all is okay, but when will you get married?’,”Rahul said, lighting up another cigarette in order to lighten up, and continued, “They just want me to get married to a sundar, susheel and gunwaan girl of my community and nothing else really matters. Unable to take this up anymore, I have even stopped going to my hometown.”

When Rahul’s mom was contacted to get the other point of view, she dabbed her eyes with her saree’s pallow, wiped her tears and said, “Hema, Rekha, Jaya aur Sushma – all of them have a bahu now and they complain about their respective bahus in kitty parties. They play with their grandchildren and talk about those children’s mischiefs. I feel lost sometimes. Don’t I deserve that happiness? Can’t I expect him to get married to a girl of my choice? Is that too much to ask?” She asked a few more rhetoric questions and sobbed for some more time which made even our usually stoic Faking News reporter very emotional.

The emotional pressure was mounting on Rahul and, unable to help it, he devised a simple strategy to escape from this torture. He watched Tom Hanks in forrest gump movie and, in a startling revelation, found the solution to the problem – Running. So, every time anyone brought up the topic of his marriage, he started running away.

Unable to get hold of Rahul, his parents requested Usain Bolt, who was in Bangalore for a promotional event, to help them catch their son. Usain Bolt found this funny and declined the offer initially, but then he eventually succumbed to Rahul’s mom’s tears. He assured he would catch Rahul for her this time when they brought the topic of his wedding.

As planned, Rahul’s parents started talking about marriage and began explaining its merits, but as soon as Rahul’s mind registered the word marriage, he began running. Usain Bolt was waiting for this and started chasing him. Rahul turned back to find Usain Bolt behind him and started running faster. He ran into a stadium where athletes were participating in a running race and he began running with them, surpassing all of them in no time. The timekeeper was surprised by Rahul’s speed and started the stop-watch and that’s when the world record of 9.27 seconds was clocked.

Amazed and shocked and embarrassed by the feat, Usain Bolt left India abruptly. And as usual, our Indian Government and sports ministry ignored Rahul’s achievement, as politics mattered to them more than someone who could become a world class athlete and bring laurels to our country. When Rahul’s mom was told about her son’s world record of becoming the faster running on earth, she said, ”That and all is okay, but when will he get married?”